二人幽默英语对话带翻译
男: This seat empty?（这个是空的吧
女Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。
）【我立马走人】 男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你
） 女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.（是的。
这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。
）【我不想和你有任何交集】 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗
） 女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。
这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】 男：Can I have your name?（我能知道你的名字吗
） 女：Why? Don''t you already have one? （为什么
你不是已经有一个了吗
） 男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。
我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
） 女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。
我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
）【长的真丑】 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。
） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗
你是说你要离开
）【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】
简单又搞笑的两人英语对话
经典对话一： 男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗
） 女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。
)经典对话二： 男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗
） 女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么
你不是已经有一个了吗
）经典对话三： 男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。
我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
） 女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。
我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
）经典对话四： 男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧
） 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。
）经典对话五： 男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你
） 女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。
这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。
）经典对话六： 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗
） 女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。
这个周末我头疼。
）经典对话七： 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。
） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗
你是说你要离开
）
英语二人幽默对话
One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票). “How did you guess the lucky number?” asked his neighbor. “Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.” “Why, you blamed fool (你这个傻瓜
). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.” “Is that so?” said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.”参考资料： 经典对话一： 男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗
） 女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。
) 经典对话二： 男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗
） 女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么
你不是已经有一个了吗
） 经典对话三： 男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。
我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
） 女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。
我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
） 经典对话四： 男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧
） 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。
） 经典对话五： 男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你
） 女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。
这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。
） 经典对话六： 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗
） 女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。
这个周末我头疼。
） 经典对话七： 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。
） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗
你是说你要离开
）One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum?chum? Guy:?What do you think??I'm in hell. Demon:?Hell's not so bad.?We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy:?Sure,?I love to drink.?Love the drinks. Demon:?Well you're gonna love Mondays then.?On?Mondays that's all we do is drink.?Whiskey,?tequila,?Guinness,?wine coolers,?diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy:?Gee炉hat sounds great. Demon:?You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it!?Love the smoking. Demon:?Alright!?You're gonna love Tuesdays.?We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out.?If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy:?Wow...that's...awesome! Demon:?I bet you like to gamble. Guy:?Why?yes?as a matter of fact?I do.?Love the gambling. Demon:?Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want.?Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever...?If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon:牋 You into drugs? Guy:?Are you kidding??Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon:?That's right!?Thursday is drug day.?Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack.?Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want烬nd if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares!?O.D.!! Guy:?Yowza!?I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy:?Uh?no. Demon:?Ooooh?(grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
英语两人搞笑对话短文，带翻译
I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: Wake up, sir! I wasn't asleep, the man answered. Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed. I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car. 我没有 当一群妇女上车，车上的座位全都被占满了。
售票意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒
” “我没有睡着。
”那个男人回答。
“没睡着
可是你眼睛都闭上了呀
” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。
”The poor husbandYou can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife, the man complained to his friend. She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。
”Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are! Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father? The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures. 父亲在哪儿
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀
” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢
” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。
”Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. It's all right, said a gentleman, don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite? Ah, yes, answered the little boy. I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too? 狗也知道这个谚语吗
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。
’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗
” 一 Can we have our teacher back
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, When can we have our teacher back? 能让我们的老师回去吗
有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。
一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。
五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢
” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。
瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。
但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元
可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀
牙科医生：是的。
但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了
求英语二人搞笑对话
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand. I cant hear out of my left ear, the man told the judge. Can you hear out of your right ear? the judge asked. The man nodded his headYoull be allowed to serve on the jury, the judge declared. We only listen to one side of the case at a time.
求一段不少20句的英文2人搞笑对话～～谢谢
1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!一个小男孩问他的爸爸，结婚要花多少钱
爸爸说：我不知道，因为我仍然在付帐。
2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she , has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?Please, teacher,said a small boy,I've make someone glad yesterday.Well done. Who was that?My granny.Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。
“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过
”“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。
”“做得好，是谁呢
”“我奶奶。
”“好孩子。
现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。
”“是这样的，老师。
我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。
然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。
’她说：‘啊，我很高兴
3 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.Like a gentleman? Dick asked. How do gentlemen do it?They always give the bigger piece to the other person. answered his aunt at once.Oh said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,Cut this cake in half, Catherine..迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。
一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。
孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。
她交给迪克精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。
不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。
”迪克问：“像一个绅士
绅士怎样做呢
”他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。
”迪克说了一声“噢”。
他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。
”4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.Fred: Where are you going to keep them?Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?Stan: Blindfold them!斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛
5 George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”乔冶敲着他朋友家的门。
当朋友的妈妈来应门时，他问：“阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗
”“ 不行， ” 那位妈妈说， “ 天气太冷了。
”“ 噢，那么， ” 乔冶， “ 他的足球可以出来玩吗
出国必备英文日常用语▲Potluck Party 一种聚餐方式，主人准备场地和餐具，叁加的人必须带一道菜准备饮料，最好事先问问主人的意思。
▲Pull over!把车子开到旁边。
▲Drop me a line!写封信给我。
▲Give me a ring. = Call me!来个电话吧
▲For here or to go
食堂或外卖。
▲cool; Thats cool! 等于国内年轻人常用的囗语“酷
”，表示不赖嘛
用于人或事均可。
▲Whats up? = Whats happening? = Whats new? 见面时随囗问候的话“最近在忙什么
有什么新鲜事吗
”一般的回答是“Nothing much!” 或“Nothing new!”▲Cut it out! = Knock it out!= Stop it! 少来这一套
同学之间开玩笑的话。
▲Dont give me a hard time! 别跟我过不去好不好
▲Get yourself together! 振作点行不行
▲Do you have the time? 现在几点钟
可别误以为人家要约你出去。
▲Hang in there. = Dont give up. = Keep trying. 再撑一下。
▲Give me a break ! 你饶了我吧
（开玩笑的话）
一个两人英语对话，搞笑的
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。
” “20美元
为什么
不是说好只要4美元。
” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。
” TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example? John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。
现在，谁给我举个例子
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
两人经典搞笑对白台词
1、子乔：曾小你是一个男人，能让你的应该是魔鬼的身材而不是的后妈
2、小贤，昨天我右眼皮跳你也说我有艳遇。
子乔：你不懂，左眼跳桃花开，右眼跳菊花开。
正所谓……忽如一夜春风来，春天里那个百花开
3、小贤：不会啊，《魔鬼的后妈》只有24集啊。
关谷：可是你之前还看了40集的《我的亲娘在哪里》，80集的《离婚了不哭》，还有160集的《当媳妇熬成婆》。
恭喜你……你经历了一个女人的一生
4、一菲：我们是有身份的客人，别弄得跟装修队一样。
5、小贤：我是新——新——新来的
第一季的时候，我可是主角
6、一菲：听着，以前的格局是展博，宛瑜和我。
现在他们俩在一起了，就成了展博和宛瑜（顿）还有我。
明白吗
关谷：哦
我知道。
这就是我常做的中文断句练习。
