英语幽默的演讲稿
A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. You're a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天的钱干什
” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。
可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢
” “她是个卖糖果的。
”
求一篇幽默的类似笑话的英语演讲稿
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when shespotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, andthe cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, Woof, woof, woof! The catwas so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, Now, do you understand the value of a second language? 老鼠的第二语言也重要一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。
”
3分钟英语演讲，关于笑话的
Tom and John are exchanging ideas.They are very good friends,yet they have never met.So how do they become friends? By computer! Now the Internet is being used by busnesses,governments and students.In fact,the Internet anyone can use it if his or her computer is connected to it. They can use the Internet to send the emails.Tom and John become friends because they both like the same music.They sent letters to the news group on the Internet where the can discuss it. They find than they have many things in common. 汤姆和约翰在交换意见。
他们是很好的朋友，但是他们从来没有见过面。
那么他们是怎么成为朋友的呢
通过电脑
现在网络被公司，政府和学生们使用。
实际上只要电脑连接在网络上，任何人都可以使用它。
他们可以用它来发送电子邮件。
汤姆和约翰成为朋友是因为他们喜欢同样的歌曲。
他们把邮件发送到网络上的新闻中心，在那里他们可以讨论。
他们发现他们有很多相同的地方。
跪求 英语课前三分钟的演讲稿 或者一些小故事、笑话也行 初一水平 （带翻译）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢
你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
这个答案很
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。
Corn既可以表示“玉米\\\/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。
你说呢
初中英语演讲稿，带翻译，50字就行了，关于笑话的，小故事的就行。
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America. 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。
这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。
” One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult. Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. At this point, one passenger became furious. For Pete's sake, he shouted, If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night! 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。
但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。
只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。
” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦
我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。
但请你们相信好了。
只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。
” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。
”
急求英语课前三分钟的演讲稿
写一点笑话或者学习之类的
I Cant Let Him Get Away A male crab（螃蟹） met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away .So they got married immediately. The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. What happened? she asked. You used to walk straight before we were married. Oh, honey, he replied, I can't drink that much every day.不能让他跑了 一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。
她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。
哇
她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。
因此他们立刻结婚了。
第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。
她深感不安。
“你怎么了
”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。
” “哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。
”
谁有小学生5年级英语演讲稿啊最好是3分钟之内就能讲完的 笑话、寓言故事、童话故事都行
The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young. 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。
一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。
因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。
她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。
” A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat. Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river. He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。
”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。
他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。
” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。
他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。
不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, Do come and see me at my house in the country. So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city. The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, Run! Run! The cat is coming! They ran away quickly and hid. After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid. 【译文】 城里老鼠和乡下老鼠 从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。
一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。
很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。
”于是，城里老鼠就去了。
乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。
它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。
城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢
你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。
” 乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。
房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。
可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑
快跑
猫来了
”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。
当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。
因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。
” Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,School-Go slow. 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着学校----慢行. A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. You're a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了
” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。
可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢
” “她是个卖糖果的。
” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad? Well, my son, his father replied, look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But, dad, the boy said, there's only ONE policeman! 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思
” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。
如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。
” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀
” A little bird fly to south for the winter. It was very cold, almost frozen bird. Hence, fly to a large space, after a cow there, in a pile of cow dung upon the bird, frozen bird lying on the dunghill, feel very warm, gradually recovered, it is warm and comfortable lying, and soon began to sing songs, a passing wildcat hear voices, see, follow the voice, wildcats quickly found lying on the dunghill, bird, pull it out.The way of existence: not everyone to lead the dung upon your people are your enemy. Each of you is not from the dunghill lire people are your friends, and, when you lying on the dunghill, had better keep your mouth shut.粪堆里的小鸟一只小鸟飞到南方去过冬。
天很冷，小鸟几乎冻僵了。
于是，飞到一大块空地上，一头牛经过那儿，拉了一堆牛粪在小鸟的身上，冻僵的小鸟躺在粪堆里，觉得很温暖，渐渐苏醒过来，它温暖而舒服的躺着，不久唱起歌来，一只路过的野猫听到声音，走过去看个究竟，循着声音，野猫很快发现了躺在粪堆里的小鸟，把它拽出来吃掉了。
生存之道：不是每个往你身上拉大粪的人都是你的敌人。
也不是每个把你从粪堆里拉出来的人都是你的朋友，还有，当你躺在粪堆里时，最好把你的嘴闭上。
One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a sign by his feet, that read: I am blind, please help. A creative publicist was walking by the blind man and stopped to observe that the man only had a few coins in his hat. He put a few of his own coins in the hat, and without stopping to ask for permission, took the sign, turned it around, and wrote a new message. He then placed the sign by the feet of the blind man, and left. Later that afternoon the creative publicist returned by the blind man and noticed that his hat was almost completely full of bills and coins. The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was him who had changed his sign? He also wanted to know what the man wrote on it? 一天，有个瞎子坐在一栋大楼的台阶上，脚下的标牌上写着：“我是个瞎子，请帮帮我。
” 一位有创意的广告员从瞎子身旁经过时停了下来，看到瞎子的帽子里只有一些硬币。
他也在帽子里放了几个硬币，未经允许，就拿过标牌，翻过来在上面重新写了一句标语，然后把标牌放回瞎子的脚下，离开了。
那天下午晚些时候，这位广告员回到了这个身旁，他发现帽子里几乎装满了纸钞和硬币。
瞎子听出了他的脚步声，问他是否是那个改标牌的人
他也想知道这位男士在上面写了什么。
广告员回答说：“我只是改了你的标语使人们能够看明白。
”他向这个瞎子表达了祝福，说了再见，继续走自己的路。
瞎子并不知道，他的新标语是这样的： 现在是春天，但我却看不到。
