急需有关万圣节的一篇2.3.分钟的课前演讲稿。
每年的10月31日是西方传统节日万圣节前夜（Halloween），当晚小孩子们会穿上各式各样的魔鬼服，戴上面具，挨家挨户的索要榶果。
因为，古时候人们认为恶灵们会在每年10月31日的夜晚重返人间。
为了驱逐鬼灵，他们会将房子里的炉火和烛台熄灭，将房子弄得很荒凉，好像没人居住一样，这样恶灵就不会进屋去。
他们也会故意穿得很邋遢，或者打扮的想鬼魂一样。
这样，恶灵和贵很就会误认为是自己的同伴，就不会来侵扰了。
霍金的资料
斯蒂芬·威廉·霍金，1942年1月8日出生，曾先后毕业于牛津大学和剑桥大学三一学院，并获剑桥大学哲学博士学位。
在大学学习后期，开始患“肌肉萎缩性脊髓侧索硬化症”（运动神经元疾病），半身不遂。
他克服身患残疾的种种困难，于1965年进入剑桥大学冈维尔和凯厄斯学院任研究员。
这个时期，他在研究宇宙起源问题上，创立了宇宙之始是“无限密度的一点”的著名理论。
1969年起任冈维尔和凯厄斯学院科学杰出成就研究员。
1972－1975年先后在剑桥大学天文研究所、应用数学和理论物理学部进行研究工作，1975－1977年任重力物理学高级讲师，1977－1979年任教授，1979年起任卢卡斯讲座数学教授。
其间，1974年当选为皇家学会最年轻的会员。
1974－1975年为美国加利福尼亚理工学院费尔柴尔德讲座功勋学者。
1978年获世界理论物理研究的最高奖爱因斯坦奖。
霍金的成名始于对黑洞的研究成果。
在爱因斯坦之后融合了20世纪另一个伟大理论——量子理论，他认为，宇宙是有限的，但无法找到边际，这如同地球表面有限但无法找到边际一样；时间也是有开始的，大约始于150亿到200亿年前。
1988年获沃尔夫物理学奖。
1985年霍金丧失语言能力，表达思想唯一的工具是一台电脑声音合成器。
他用仅能活动的几个手指操纵一个特制的鼠标器在电脑屏幕上选择字母、单词来造句，然后通过电脑播放声音，通常制造一个句子要5、6分钟，为了合成一个小时的录音演讲要准备10天。
1988年写成科普著作《时间简史》，至1995年10月该书发行量已超过2500万册，译成几十种语言，中译本也已出版。
著有《空间－时间的大比例结构》（1973年与人合著）、《广义相对论：爱因斯坦百年评论》（1979年与人合编）、《超空间和超重力》（1981年与人合编）、《宇宙之始》（1983年与人合编）、《时间简史》（1988年）。
1990年与结婚25年之久的妻子简·怀尔德离婚。
1995年9月16日，与他的护士伊莱恩·梅森结婚。
美式幽默英文演讲稿
A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement． A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor．How are you
“Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me．I've been limping for the last half hour．” 16．心不在焉的老师 有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。
一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。
您怎么了
” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。
我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。
” by Leigh Hunt I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read．There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian．”It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces．The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him． The lesson was to begin．The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed．The master looked over him，and his hand was ready．I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ；but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed： Master．“Now，young man，have a care ；or I'll set you a swingeing task．”（A common phrase of his．） Pupil（making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”）．Missionary Can you see the wind
（Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek．） Pupil（raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop）．“Indian No
” Master．“Zounds，young man
have a care how you provoke me
” Pupil（always forgetting the stop）．Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing
” （Here a terrible thump．） Pupil（with a shout of agony）． Indian Because I feel it．” 15．诵读课 李·亨特 当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书。
那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的对话》。
课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈。
那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师。
授课即将开始。
那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿。
他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向。
教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势。
因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下： 老师：“年轻人，小心点；要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头。
”（这是他的口头禅。
） 学生：（大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在“传教士”一词后应该停顿。
）“传教士你能看见风吗
” （教师扇了他一耳光。
） 学生：（提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿）“印第安人不能啊
” 教师：“该死
年轻人，小心点别惹我发火
” 学生：（一如既往漏掉停顿）“传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢
” （这时来了重重一击。
） 学生：（痛苦地叫喊）“印第安人因为我感觉到了。
” Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today． “It works like this，” she said．“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance．”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns．“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames．See
Bobby Burns
” “I see what you mean，” said the class know it all．“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning
” 14．诗人的名字 我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。
“这个系统是这样的，”她说。
“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字——例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。
”她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯。
“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。
明白吗
警察燃烧
” “我明白你的意思，”班上的万事通说。
“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢
” Proctor（exceedingly angry）：“So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched
Now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair
” Soph．（meekly）：“The right leg，sir．” 13．右腿 学监（非常生气）：“现在你承认这可怜的新生被扔进这蛙池里，浑身湿透
那么你在这不光彩的事情里扮演了什么角色呢
” 二年级学生（恭顺地）：“右腿，先生。
” Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation，and the doctor，somewhat nettled，said：“Landon，you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject．You seem to lack ambition．Why，at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world．” “Yes，” said Landon，“he couldn't help it，for you will recall the fact，doctor，that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher．” 12．亚历山大大帝 兰登作了一次不成功的朗诵。
老师有点不悦，对他说道： “兰登，你在这门课上好像进步不大，你好像缺乏志向。
亚历山大大帝在你这个年龄可已经征服了半个世界。
” “是啊，”兰登说，“他没法不那样。
博士先生，您回想一下史实，亚历山大大帝有亚里士多德做他的老师。
” Professor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today．” A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”． Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”． 11．“班”和“笨驴” 格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。
” 一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。
后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。
Billy and Bobby were small boys．They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other． Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now．Go out and play in the garden—and be good．” “Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out． They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen．“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs．Allen's house．” Mrs．Allen was one of their neighbors． “He's a bad boy，”his mother said．“How did he break it
” “I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down．” 10．是他的错 比利和波比都是小男孩。
他们是兄弟，两人经常打架。
上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。
去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。
” “是，妈妈，”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。
他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。
“妈妈，”他说：“波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。
”艾伦太太是他们的邻居。
“他是个坏孩子，”他的妈妈说。
“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的
” “我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答：“他赶紧蹲下。
” Mr．and Mrs．Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat．Now Mrs．Taylor was expecting another child． Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too． One evening Mr．and Mrs．Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival．“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr．Taylor． Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about
”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered． “ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly．“ He'll follow us there．” 9．新生儿 泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。
现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。
帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。
一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。
泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。
” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么
”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。
” “那没用，”帕特绝望地说。
“他会跟我们到那儿去的。
”
一件难忘的事作文500字
A Boy and His Tree A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it every day. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow… He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by…The little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree. One day, the boy came back to the tree and looked sad. “Come and play with me,” the tree asked the boy. “I am no longer a kid, I don’t play around trees anymore.” The boy replied, “I want toys. I need money to buy them.” “Sorry, but I don’t have money…but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money.” The boy was so excited. He picked all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy didn’t come back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad. One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited. “Come and play with me.” The tree said. “I don’t have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?” “Sorry, but I don’t have a house. But you can cut off my branches to build your house.” So the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy didn’t appear since then. The tree was again lonely and sad. One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was delighted. “Come and play with me!” the tree said. “I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?” “Use my trunk to build the boat. You can sail and be happy.” So the boy cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and did not show up for a long time. Finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I don’t have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you.” the tree said. “ I don’t have teeth to bite.” The boy replied. “ No more trunk for you to climb on.” “I am too old for that now.” the boy said. “I really want to give you something…the only thing left is my dying roots.” The tree said with tears. “I don’t need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years.” The boy replied. “Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest. Come here, please sit down with me and have a rest.” The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears… This is a story of everyone. The tree is our parent. When we were young, we loved to play with Mom and Dad… When we grow up, we leave them, and only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could to make you happy. You may think that the boy is cruel to the tree but that's how all of us are treating our parents. 很久以前有一棵苹果树。
一个小男孩每天都喜欢来到树旁玩耍。
他爬到树顶，吃苹果，在树荫里打盹……他爱这棵树，树也爱和他一起玩。
随着时间的流逝，小男孩长大了。
他不再到树旁玩耍了。
一天，男孩回到树旁，看起来很悲伤。
“来和我玩吧
”树说。
“我不再是小孩了，我不会再到树下玩耍了。
”男孩答到，“我想要玩具，我需要钱来买。
” “很遗憾，我没有钱……但是你可以采摘我的所有苹果拿去卖。
这样你就有钱了。
”男孩很兴奋。
他摘掉树上所有的苹果，然后高兴地离开了。
自从那以后男孩没有回来。
树很伤心。
一天，男孩回来了，树非常兴奋。
“来和我玩吧。
”树说。
“我没有时间玩。
我得为我的家庭工作。
我们需要一个房子来遮风挡雨，你能帮我吗
”很遗憾，我没有房子。
但是，你可以砍下我的树枝来建房。
“因此，男孩砍下所有的树枝，高高兴兴地离开了。
看到他高兴，树也很高兴。
但是，自从那时起男孩没再出现，树有孤独，伤心起来。
突然，在一个夏日，男孩回到树旁，树很高兴。
“来和我玩吧
”树说。
“我很伤心，我开始老了。
我想去航海放松自己。
你能不能给我一条船
” “用我的树干去造一条船，你就能航海了，你会高兴的。
”于是，男孩砍倒树干去造船。
他航海去了，很长一段时间未露面。
许多年后男孩终于回来了。
“很遗憾，我的孩子，我再也没有任何东西可以给你了。
没有苹果给你……”树说。
“我没有牙齿啃。
” 男孩答到。
“没有树干供你爬。
”“现在我老了，爬不上去了。
” 男孩说。
“我真的想把一切都给你……我唯一剩下的东西是快要死去的树墩。
” 树含着眼泪说。
“现在，我不需要什么东西，只需要一个地方来休息。
经过了这些年我太累了。
”男孩答到。
“太好了
老树墩就是倚着休息的最好地方。
过来，和我一起坐下休息吧。
” 男孩坐下了，树很高兴，含泪而笑…… 这是一个发生在每一个人身上的故事。
那棵树就像我们的父母。
我们小的时候，喜欢和爸爸妈妈玩……长大后，便离开他们，只有在我们需要父母亲，或是遇到了困难的时候，才会回去找他们。
尽管如此，父母却总是有求必应，为了我们的幸福，无私地奉献自己的一切。
你也许觉得那个男孩很残忍，但我们何尝不是这样呢
乐观者与悲观者的小故事
The Thirsty Pigeon口渴的鸽子 A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders. Zeal should not outrun discretion. 有只鸽子口渴得很难受，看见画板上画着一个水瓶，以为是真的。
他立刻呼呼地猛飞过 去，不料一头碰撞在画板上，折断了翅膀，摔在地上，被人轻易地捉住了。
这是说，有些人想急于得到所需的东西，一时冲动，草率从事，就会身遭不幸。
The Raven and the Swan乌鸦和天鹅 A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished. Change of habit cannot alter Nature. 乌鸦非常羡慕天鹅洁白的羽毛。
他猜想天鹅一定是经常洗澡，羽毛才变得如此洁白无 瑕。
于是，他毅然离开了他赖以生存的祭坛，来到江湖边。
他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但一 点都没洗白，反而因缺少食物饥饿而死。
这故事是说，人的本性不会随着生活方式的改变而改变。
The Goat and the Goatherd 山羊与牧羊人 A GOATHERD had sought to bring back a stray goat to his flock. He whistled and sounded his horn in vain; the straggler paid no attention to the summons. At last the Goatherd threw a stone, and breaking its horn, begged the Goat not to tell his master. The Goat replied, Why, you silly fellow, the horn will speak though I be silent. Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid. 很多山羊被牧羊人赶到羊圈里。
有一只山羊不知在吃什么好东西，单独落在后面。
牧羊 人拿起一块石头扔了过去，正巧打断了山羊的一只角。
牧羊人吓得请求山羊不要告诉主人， 山羊说：“即使我不说，又怎能隐瞒下去呢
我的角已断了，这是十分明显的事实。
” 这故事说明，明显的罪状是无法隐瞒的。
The Miser守财奴 A MISER sold all that he had and bought a lump of gold, which he buried in a hole in the ground by the side of an old wall and went to look at daily. One of his workmen observed his frequent visits to the spot and decided to watch his movements. He soon discovered the secret of the hidden treasure, and digging down, came to the lump of gold, and stole it. The Miser, on his next visit, found the hole empty and began to tear his hair and to make loud lamentations. A neighbor, seeing him overcome with grief and learning the cause, said, Pray do not grieve so; but go and take a stone, and place it in the hole, and fancy that the gold is still lying there. It will do you quite the same service; for when the gold was there, you had it not, as you did not make the slightest use of it. 有个守财奴变卖了他所有的家产，换回了金块，并秘密地埋在一个地方。
他每天走去看 看他的宝藏。
有个在附近放羊的牧人留心观察，知道了真情，趁他走后，挖出金块拿走了。
守财奴再来时，发现洞中的金块没有了，便捶胸痛哭。
有个人见他如此悲痛，问明原因后， 说道：“喂，朋友，别再难过了，那块金子虽是你买来的，但并不是你真正拥有的。
去拿一 块石头来，代替金块放在洞里，只要你心里想着那是块金子，你就会很高兴。
这样与你拥有 真正的金块效果没什么不同。
依我之见，你拥有那金块时，也从没用过。
” 这故事说明，一切财物如不使用等于没有。
The Wolf and the Lamb 狼与小羊 WOLF, meeting with a Lamb astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on him, but to find some plea to justify to the Lamb the Wolf's right to eat him. He thus addressed him:Sirrah, last year you grossly insulted me. Indeed, bleated the Lamb in a mournful tone of voice, I was not then born. Then said the Wolf , You feed in my pasture. No, good sir, replied the Lamb, I have not yet tasted grass. Again said the Wolf, You drink of my well. No, exclaimed the Lamb, I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother's milk is both food and drink to me. Upon which the Wolf seized him and ate him up, saying, Well! I won't remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations. The tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny. 一只小羊在河边喝水，狼见到后，便想找一个名正言顺的借口吃掉他。
于是他跑到上游，恶狠狠地说小羊把河水搅浑浊了，使他喝不到清水。
小羊回答说，他仅仅站在河边喝水，并且又在下游，根本不可能把上游的水搅浑。
狼见此计不成，又说道：“我父亲去年被你骂过。
”小羊说，那时他还没有出生。
狼对他说：“不管你怎样辩解，反正我不会放过 你。
” 这说明，对恶人做任何正当的辩解也是无效的。
The Bat and the Weasels蝙蝠与黄鼠狼 A BAT who fell upon the ground and was caught by a Weasel pleaded to be spared his life. The Weasel refused, saying that he was by nature the enemy of all birds. The Bat assured him that he was not a bird, but a mouse, and thus was set free. Shortly afterwards the Bat again fell to the ground and was caught by another Weasel, whom he likewise entreated not to eat him. The Weasel said that he had a special hostility to mice. The Bat assured him that he was not a mouse, but a bat, and thus a second time escaped. It is wise to turn circumstances to good account. 蝙蝠掉落在地上，被黄鼠狼叼去，他请求饶命。
黄鼠狼说绝不会放过他，自己生来痛恨鸟类。
蝙蝠说他是老鼠，不是鸟，便被放了。
后来蝙蝠又掉落了下来，被另一只黄鼠狼叼住，他再三请求不要吃他。
这只黄鼠狼说他恨一切鼠类。
蝙蝠改口说自己是鸟类，并非老 鼠，又被放了。
这样，蝙蝠两次改变了自己的名字，终于死里逃生。
这故事说明，我们遇事要随机应变方能避免危险。
The Ass and the Grasshopper 驴子与蚱蜢 AN ASS having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, The dew. The Ass resolved that he would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger. 驴子听见蚱蜢唱歌，被美妙动听的歌声所打动，自己也想能发出同样悦耳动听的声音，便 羡慕地问他们吃些什么，才能发出如此美妙的声音来。
蚱蜢答道：“吃露水。
”驴子便也只吃露水，没多久就饿死了。
这个故事告诉人们不要企望非份之物。
The Lion and the Mouse 狮子与报恩的老鼠 A LION was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up angrily, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness. The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came and gnawed the rope with his teeth and set him free, exclaiming: You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion. 狮子睡着了，有只老鼠跳到了他身上。
狮子猛然站起来，把他抓住，准备吃掉。
老鼠请求饶命，并说如果保住性命，必将报恩，狮子轻蔑地笑了笑，便把他放走了。
不久，狮子真的被老鼠救了性命。
原来狮子被一个猎人抓获，并用绳索把他捆在一棵树上。
老鼠听到了他 的哀嚎，走过去咬断绳索，放走了狮子，并说： “你当时嘲笑我，不相信能得到我的报答， 现在可清楚了，老鼠也能报恩。
” 这故事说明，时运交替变更，强者也会有需要弱者的时候。
Fox and cock One morning a fox sees a cock.He think,This is my breakfast.'' He comes up to the cock and says,I know you can sing very well.Can you sing for me?''The cock is glad.He closes his eyes and begins to sing.The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away. The people in the field see the fox.They cry,Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.''The cock says to the fox,Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.'' The fox opens his mouth and says,The cock is mine,not yours.''Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree. 狐狸和公鸡 一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。
他想：这是我的早餐。
他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我知道，你能唱得非常好听，你能唱给我听么
濑户早妃”公鸡很高兴。
他闭上眼睛开始唱歌。
狐狸看到这些抓住它放到自己的嘴里走了。
在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。
大喊大叫：“看，看
狐狸抓住公鸡逃走了。
”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么
人们认为你叼走了公鸡。
告诉他们这是你的，不是他们的。
” 狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。
”就在那时，。
公鸡跑到了树底下。
学会感恩怎么写
作文500字左右
Class, Lass and AssProfessor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow.A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the c in the word class. The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the c erased--calmly walked up and erased the l in lass, looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.班级、情人和蠢驴汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：“汤姆教授明天将和大家见面”。
一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将“class”中的“c”擦掉，将意思变为“汤姆教授明天将和情妇见面”。
教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把“lass”中的“l”擦掉，将意思改为“汤姆教授明天将和蠢驴见面”。
看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。
Be Much WorsePoliceman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.可能更糟警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢
男士：如果我张嘴喊叫，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。
那样情况就更糟了
Wait a MinuteTom: My grand God, what does a millennium mean to you?God: It only means a minute.Tom: My omnipotent god, what do 10,000 golden coins mean to you?God: Just a small coin.Tom: My humane god, please give me a small coin.God: Ok, poor man, please wait a minute.等一分钟汤姆：我伟大的上帝，一千年对你来说，意味着什么
上帝：它只意味着一分钟。
汤姆：我万能的上帝，一万枚金币对你来说，意味着什么
上帝：它只意味着一枚小硬币。
汤姆：我仁慈的上帝，那就请给我一枚小硬币吧
上帝：好吧，可怜的人，请等一分钟吧。
THE FIRST TIMEPatient: I'm so frightened, this is my first operation.Surgeon: I know just how you feel. This is my first operation, too.第一次病人：我很害怕，这是我第一次动手术。
外科医生：我完全理解你的心情。
这也是我第一次动手术。
GOOD SIGHTLawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.好视力律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西
证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。
EXPENSIVE ADVICEThe doctor finally reached his table at a dinner, after breaking away from a woman who sought advice on a health problem.Do you think I should send her a bill? the doctor asked a lawyer who sat next to him.Why not? the lawyer replied. You rendered professional services by giving advice.Thanks, the physician said. I think I'll do that.When the doctor went to his office the next day to send the bill to the woman, he found a letter from the lawyer. It read:For legal services, $50.昂贵的建议大夫在打发走了一个就健康问题向他咨询的妇女之后，最后来到餐桌上。
“你认为我应该向她收费吗
”大夫问坐在身边的一个律师。
“有什么不应该
”律师答道，“你通过提建议提供了职业性服务。
”“谢谢，”大夫说道，“看来我得这么做。
”第二天当大夫去办公室给那位妇女写账单时，他收到律师的一封信。
信中写道：“请付法律服务费５０美元。
”HIS FAULTBilly: Mother, Bobby broke a window.Mother: How did he do it?Billy: I threw a rock at him and he ducked.他的错比利：妈妈，波比打坏了窗玻璃。
妈妈：他怎么打的
比利：我向他扔石头，他躲开了。
TELEMARKETERI answered the phone one evening and quickly realized the voice on the other end belonged to a telemarketer.Good evening, he said, may I speak with Leah Jonason?She is a baby, I replied.All right, said the caller, I'll try again later.电话推销员一天晚上我接了一个电话，对方的声音使我很快意识到他是个电话推销员。
“晚上好，”他说，“我想和利厄乔纳森说话。
”“她是个婴儿，”我回答说。
“没关系，”他说，“我以后再打。
”
