求一篇5分钟左右 有趣的英语演讲稿。
要通俗易懂贴近生活、有趣。
幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照） 演讲者如何调侃自己作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。
As a speaker, I’ve only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can’t fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can’t stay awake.创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。
当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。
As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning ---- especially by the program committee.幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。
Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。
此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, I’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。
Personally, I have never been conceited --- and I can’t tell you how much I admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
Let me put this into plain English. I’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
If you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one I know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
Making a speech is like watering a lawn. You’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
演讲开始时我们有一些共同点，你们不知道我要讲什么——我也不知道。
At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You don’t know what I’m going to say --- and neither do I.幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。
第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
As some of you may know, I’m appearing here tonight for two very good reasons. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker who’s intelligent, entertaining, sophisticated --- and they did. The second reason is, he got sick so they called me.幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢
有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了
Some people suffer from stage fright. I don’t. The stage doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。
如果我能够把时钟拨回去45分钟，我就是这间房间里最幸福的人，我把演讲稿落在厨房桌子上了。
At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, I’d be the happiest person in this room. Because that’s when I left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。
I don’t want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its feet. And they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。
创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。
如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。
If I’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner speech I’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in McDonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。
创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。
我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。
I’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. The one thing that gives me courage is that I’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me.幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。
人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。
我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。
现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。
People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and I tell them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd.幽默注释：多么新颖的创意，戴顶绿帽子就想引起上帝注意。
创新句子：别再说谎了，趁上帝还没注意你。
如果你们允许我准备读我的讲稿，我有三个理由：第一，我记忆力非常差——其它两个原因我记不清了。
With your permission, I’m going to read this paper. I’m going to read it for three reasons: one, I have a very poor memory –and the other two I can’t remember.幽默注释：为自己忘词找好借口。
创新句子：我记忆力不好，我忘了把讲稿带来。
不必要的单词是精彩演讲的祸根，我再重复一遍…Unnecessary words are the bane of good speeches. Let me repeat that…幽默注释：这时候重复带来很好的效果。
创新句子：演讲时最忌讳重复，我再说一遍：千万不要重复。
有时候确实让人糊涂，你看见代表举起了胳膊，但你根本确定不了他是在凭良心选举还是在检查他的关节炎。
It did get a little confusing at times. If you saw a delegate raising his arm, you could never be quite sure if he was voting his conscience or testing his arthritis.幽默注释：有人举胳膊未必是在真心选你。
创新句子：选举时只要我关节炎不犯，我肯定会举手。
对不起，（从钱包里拽出一张纸币，象拿手绢一样，在上面打喷嚏，然后扔掉）如果说我憎恨什么的话，那就是炫耀。
Excuse me. (Pull a bill from your wallet, handle it as you would a handkerchief, sneeze and then throw the bill away and say) If there’s one I hate ostentation.幽默注释：炫耀吧，有钱人有炫耀的资本。
创新句子：我不想炫耀，有学问的人不爱炫耀。
你们都知道，在公司里我只要求员工三件事：诚实、正直和崇拜偶像。
As you know, in all these years with the company, I have only asked for three things from my staff: honesty, integrity and idolatry.
马克吐温的故事
party 这个很通俗dinner 稍微正式banquet 这个比较正式
初一150字英语作文10篇
Today is my grandpa's birthday. Our family went back to my grandpa's home in the morning. We got together to have a big family dinner to celebrate his birthady. We bought a big birthday cake and gave some presents to my grandpa.In the afternoon, we went to the park to go boating. We had a good time. My grandpa had a nice time on his birthday.今天是爷爷的生日,我们全家早晨回到爷爷家.我们举行了大型家庭聚会来庆祝爷爷的生日.我们买了一个大生日蛋糕,并且送给爷爷一些礼物.下午我们去公园划船.我们玩得很开心,爷爷过了一个愉快的生日.Today I had a good time. It was my grandpa's birthday. Our family went back to his home to celebrate his birthday. My mother cooked many delicious food and we brought a big birthday cake. We got together to have a big family dinner. We gave grandpa some presents and said, Happy birthday to you!In the afternoon we went boating in the park. We enjoyed ourselves, and my grandpa had a nice time on his birthday.今天我玩得很愉快.今天是爷爷的生日,我们全家去爷爷家为他庆祝生日.妈妈做了许多好吃的,我们买了一个大蛋糕.我们举行了一个大型家庭聚会.我们送给爷爷一些礼物,并说：“祝您生日快乐.”下午我们去公园划船.我们玩得很开心,爷爷过了一个愉快的生日.It was Christmas Day yesterday. We had a Christmas party at school. Many friends of mine came to the party. After we saidMerry Christmas, we began to sing Christmas songs, such as Edelweiss, andso on. Then we told some Christmas stories, such as Christmas Father. Then I danced and laughted with my friends. We all had a good time. When the party came to the end,we said Happy New Year to each other.昨天是圣诞节,我们在学校举办了圣诞晚会,我的许多朋友都来参加晚会.我们互道“圣诞快乐”后,开始唱圣诞歌,像“雪绒花”等.然后我们讲圣诞故事,如“圣诞老人”等,我们都玩得很开心.当晚会即将结束时,我们互祝“新年快乐”.It was Christmas Day yesterday. I had a good time with my friends. We had a Christmas Party at school. We sang many Christmas songs and told some Christmas stories. We knew after Christmas the New Year was coming. So we said Happy New Year to each other. We made up our mind that we would study hard to make great progress in the coming year.昨天是圣诞节,我和我的朋友过得很愉快.我们在学校举办了圣诞晚会.我们唱了许多圣诞歌,讲了一些圣诞故事.我们知道圣诞节后,新年即将来临,所以我们互祝“新年快乐”.我们下决心在即将来临的一年中努力学习,以取得更大的进步.The bell rang and the class was over. The classroom became noisy. Some students went out of the classroom. I was just chatting with some of my classmates when Li Hong came to me. She smiled and said to me, What's four minus four? Do you know? It's zero. That is easy. answered I. But Li Hong shook her head and said It's wrong. It's eight. Why? That's impossible! You will understand if you cut down four corners of a desk. said Li Hong. Is that a joke? Oh, yes. We all laughed. During the class break, we had a good rest. We often have a pleasant break.铃一响,下课了.教室里热闹起来,一些学生出了教室.当李红向我走来时,我正和一些同学聊天.她笑着对我说：“你知道4减4等于几吗?”我回答：“等于零,太简单了.”但李红播着头说：“不对,是8.”“为什么?不可能.”李红说：“你砍掉桌予的4个角,就明白了.”“这是笑话吗?”“唤,是的.”我们都笑-了.课间我们放松了.我们经常度过愉快的课间.The bell rang and the class was over. Many classmates jumped up from the seat. The classroom became noisy. Some students went out of the classroom while talking and laughing. Two girls were singing a song on their seats. Some boys were telling a joke loudly. They were laughing together. I was chatting with some classmates when Li Hong came to me. She joined us. Our class break was often full of fun and laughter. We often have a pleasant break.铃响了,下课了.许多同学从座位上跳了起来,教室变得热闹起来.一些学生说着、笑着出了教室,两个女孩坐在座位上唱歌.几个男生正在大声讲笑话,他们一起笑着.当李红走向我时,我正和几个同学聊天,她参加了进来.我们的课间休息充满了乐趣和欢笑.我们经常度过愉快的课间休息.My Happy Times During Winter VacationI often go to see my grandma and grandpa during winter vacation. They are both seventy years old and live in the country happily. I can do many interesting things there. I am used to getting up early in the morning and breathing the fresh air in the countryside. After snow, I would like to skate and ski with my friends. When night comes, I am used to sitting by the fire and listening to grandma telling me many funny stories. And I tell her some new things happening in the city. When I have to go back, I am always reluctant to go. I really feel happy living in the country.寒假期间我经常去看望我的爷爷奶奶.他们都已经70岁了,住在乡下.我可以在那里做很多有趣的事情.我习惯一大清早起床呼吸乡下的新鲜空气.下雪后,我喜欢跟同伴们一起滑雪滑冰.夜幕降临时,我就坐在火炉边,听奶奶讲动听的故事.我也会给她讲一些城里的新鲜事.每次该回城时,我总是恋恋不舍.我确实喜欢乡下的生活.Yesterday was my thirteenth birthday. My parents had a birthday party for me. I invited my friends to my party. My parents bought new clothes and some books as my birthday presents. How happy I felt when I put on the new clothes!When all my friends arrived, my mother brought delicious food and a big birthday cake. My friends sang Happy birthday to you! and gave me some presents. Then we began to eat. It was my happiest day.昨天是我13岁的生日,我的父母为我举办了生日宴会,我邀请了我的朋友来参加.我的父母为我买了新衣服和书作为生日礼物.我穿着新衣服时感觉好幸福.我所有的朋友都到了以后,我妈妈端上了美味的饭莱并捧来了一个大蛋糕.我的朋友为我唱“祝你生日快乐”歌,并送我一些礼物.然后我们开始吃饭.这是我最快乐的一天.I am 13 years old now. Yesterday was my birthday. My parents had a birthday party. I invited some friends to the party.In the morning my mother got up early and began to cook. My father helped her with cooking. They were so busy that they had no time io talk with me.When all my friends arrived, my mother brought delicious food and a big birthday cake. My father gave me new clothes and some books as presents. I was moved to tears. My friends sang birthday songs for me and gave me some presents. I had a wonderful birthday.我13岁了.昨天是我的生日,我的父母为我举行了生日宴会,我邀请一些朋友来参加.早晨妈妈很早就起床开始做饭,爸爸帮她.他们忙得没有时间和我说话.我的所有朋友都到了以后,妈妈端上荚味的饭莱,捧采一个大蛋糕.爸爸送给我新衣服和书作为生日礼物.我感动得眼泪都掉了下来.我的朋友为我唱生日歌,送我礼物.我过了一个快乐的生日.
演讲稿，一个幽默的结尾，题材不限，都可以，结束语最好长一点，谢谢十分感谢。
在8、9集
马克•吐温的故事和两则笑话
.吐温与昌西.曾同在一艘往国外的船上，行几人同被邀请赴宴，并发表演讲。
马克.吐温先说了二十分钟，且很受欢迎。
于是轮到迪普先生了。
“主持人，女士们先生们，”那个出了名健谈的人起身说道，“宴会之前我和马克.吐温约定好了要交换演说辞，于是他讲了我的东西，我对你们报以的友好态度很感激。
但很遗憾，我把他的演说稿弄丢了，什么也记不得了。
” 他说完就坐下了。
台下哄笑阵阵。
第二天一个参加了宴会的英国人在吸烟室偶遇马克.吐温。
“克莱门斯先生（马克.吐温原名Samuel Langhorne Clemens ），”那人说，“我想您昨天真吃了大亏了。
而那个迪普先生，我以前总听人说他是个聪明人，但您昨天作的那个演讲真是我听过的最荒唐的鬼话。
” 车票 马克吐温一次乘车外出，火车开得很慢。
当查票员过来查票时，马克吐温递给他一张儿童票。
查票员调侃道：“我还真没看出您还是个孩子呢
” 马克吐温回答：“现在我已经不是孩子了，但我买票上车时还是个孩子哩。
” 广告 一位商界阔佬对马克吐温说：“我想借助您的大名，给敝公司做个广告。
”马克吐温说：“当然可以。
” 第二天在马克吐温主办的报纸上登出了如下文字： 一只母苍蝇有两个儿子。
她把这两个儿子视若掌上明珠，爱护备至。
一天，母子三个飞到某某商业公司的商店里。
一只小苍蝇去品尝包装精美的糖果，忽然双翅颤抖落下来，一命呜呼
另一只小苍蝇去吃香肠，不料也一头栽倒，顷刻毙命。
母苍蝇痛不欲生，扑到一张苍蝇纸上意欲自杀，尽管大吃大嚼，结果却安然无恙
阔佬看完广告，气得直翻白眼。
必须站着 马克吐温有一次到一个小城市演讲，他决定在演讲之前先理理发。
“你喜欢我们这个城市吗
”理发师问他。
“啊
喜欢，这是一个很好的地方。
”马克吐温说。
“您来得很巧，”理发师继续说，“马克吐温今天晚上要发表演讲，我想您一定是想去听听喽
” “是的。
”马克吐温说。
“您弄到票了吗
” “还没有。
” “这可太遗憾了
”理发师耸了耸肩膀，两手一摊，惋惜地说：“那您只好从头到尾站着了，因为那里不会有空座位。
” “对
”幽默大师说，“和马克吐温在一起可真糟糕，他一演讲我就只能永远站着。
”
