跪求 英语课前三分钟的演讲稿 或者一些小故事、笑话也行 初一水平 （带翻译）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢
你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
这个答案很
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。
Corn既可以表示“玉米\\\/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。
你说呢
初中英语演讲稿，带翻译，50字就行了，关于笑话的，小故事的就行。
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America. 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。
这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。
” One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult. Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. At this point, one passenger became furious. For Pete's sake, he shouted, If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night! 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。
但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。
只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。
” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦
我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。
但请你们相信好了。
只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。
” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。
”
幽默又有意义的200词英文演讲稿带翻译
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon. 有一位老师每个下午都要打一下盹儿。
When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages. 当他的学生问他是怎么回事时，他回答说他到梦境中去见古代的圣人了。
One extremely hot day some of his pupils fell asleep in the classroom. When the school-teacher chided them, they said, We went to meet the sages in dreamland. 有一天，天气很热，有几个学生在教室里睡着了。
当这位老师斥责他们的时候，他们说：“我们去梦里见圣人了。
”What did they say? demanded the teacher. “他们说什么了
”老师问到。
We asked them if a school- teacher came there every afternoon, but they said they had seen no such person.“我们问他们是不是每天下午都有一个老师去他们那儿，但是他们说没见过这个人。
”
求一篇幽默的类似笑话的英语演讲稿
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when shespotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, andthe cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, Woof, woof, woof! The catwas so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, Now, do you understand the value of a second language? 老鼠的第二语言也重要一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。
”
跪求 英语课前三分钟的演讲稿 或者一些小故事、笑话也行 初一水平 （带翻译）
一首英语小诗可以不。
Work like you don't need the money. 去爱吧，就像不曾受过伤一样， 跳舞吧，就像没有人欣赏一样， 唱歌吧，就像没有任何人聆听一样， 工作吧，就像不需要钱一样， 生活吧，就像今天是末日一样 > Love like you've never been hurt. > Dance like nobody's watching. > Sing like nobody's listening. > Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
求搞笑的英语演讲稿3分钟左右
Tom and John are exchanging ideas.They are very good friends,yet they have never met.So how do they become friends? By computer! Now the Internet is being used by busnesses,governments and students.In fact,the Internet anyone can use it if his or her computer is connected to it. They can use the Internet to send the emails.Tom and John become friends because they both like the same music.They sent letters to the news group on the Internet where the can discuss it. They find than they have many things in common. 汤姆和约翰在交换意见。
他们是很好的朋友，但是他们从来没有见过面。
那么他们是怎么成为朋友的呢
通过电脑
现在网络被公司，政府和学生们使用。
实际上只要电脑连接在网络上，任何人都可以使用它。
他们可以用它来发送电子邮件。
汤姆和约翰成为朋友是因为他们喜欢同样的歌曲。
他们把邮件发送到网络上的新闻中心，在那里他们可以讨论。
他们发现他们有很多相同的地方。
初一英语演讲稿，不限文体，30～40秒，最好是笑话。
急用。
hello，boys and girls
Let me tell you a joke
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are!Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures.
求小学4年级英语演讲稿100字+ 最难忘的一个人 要求带翻译
Hello everyone, I am going to talk about the most unforgettable person in my life, he is my father. My father is a humorous ,kind and clever person in my mind. when i am unhappy, he will tell me some fun jokes and i will smile every time. my father always smile whenever i saw him. eventhough when he has some problems, he will overcome the problems with smile. besides, my father will teach me a lot of thing that is useful and meaningful. for example he will teach me how to be a man in the world. so i love my father and will never forget him.你好各位， 我现在要讲一个我最难忘的人， 他就是我爸爸。
他是一个幽默 仁慈 还有聪明的人。
每次当我不开心的时候， 他都会讲一些笑话给我听，我马上就会笑起来。
每次我见我爸爸 他都是笑笑口的， 无论他有什么麻烦， 他都会笑着去解决。
我爸爸还会教我一些有用的东西。
例如， 他会教我怎么去做一个男人在世界上。
所以我爱我爸爸 而已我容易也不会忘记他。
如果里面有些单词你觉得难的话 自己改一下吧 怎么说你都是讲的人， 讲出来顺口就好了
求一篇5分钟左右 有趣的英语演讲稿。
要通俗易懂贴近生活、有趣。
幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照） 演讲者如何调侃自己作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。
As a speaker, I’ve only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can’t fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can’t stay awake.创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。
当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。
As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning ---- especially by the program committee.幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。
Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。
此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, I’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。
Personally, I have never been conceited --- and I can’t tell you how much I admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
Let me put this into plain English. I’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。
If you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one I know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
Making a speech is like watering a lawn. You’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
演讲开始时我们有一些共同点，你们不知道我要讲什么——我也不知道。
At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You don’t know what I’m going to say --- and neither do I.幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
Before I begin, I want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television. I cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2.幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。
第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
As some of you may know, I’m appearing here tonight for two very good reasons. The first reason is your Program Committee was trying to find a speaker who’s intelligent, entertaining, sophisticated --- and they did. The second reason is, he got sick so they called me.幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢
有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了
Some people suffer from stage fright. I don’t. The stage doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。
如果我能够把时钟拨回去45分钟，我就是这间房间里最幸福的人，我把演讲稿落在厨房桌子上了。
At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, I’d be the happiest person in this room. Because that’s when I left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。
I don’t want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its feet. And they never sat down again until they reached their cars.幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。
创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。
如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。
If I’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner speech I’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in McDonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。
创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。
我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。
I’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. The one thing that gives me courage is that I’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me.幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。
人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。
我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。
现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。
People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and I tell them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd.幽默注释：多么新颖的创意，戴顶绿帽子就想引起上帝注意。
创新句子：别再说谎了，趁上帝还没注意你。
如果你们允许我准备读我的讲稿，我有三个理由：第一，我记忆力非常差——其它两个原因我记不清了。
With your permission, I’m going to read this paper. I’m going to read it for three reasons: one, I have a very poor memory –and the other two I can’t remember.幽默注释：为自己忘词找好借口。
创新句子：我记忆力不好，我忘了把讲稿带来。
不必要的单词是精彩演讲的祸根，我再重复一遍…Unnecessary words are the bane of good speeches. Let me repeat that…幽默注释：这时候重复带来很好的效果。
创新句子：演讲时最忌讳重复，我再说一遍：千万不要重复。
有时候确实让人糊涂，你看见代表举起了胳膊，但你根本确定不了他是在凭良心选举还是在检查他的关节炎。
It did get a little confusing at times. If you saw a delegate raising his arm, you could never be quite sure if he was voting his conscience or testing his arthritis.幽默注释：有人举胳膊未必是在真心选你。
创新句子：选举时只要我关节炎不犯，我肯定会举手。
对不起，（从钱包里拽出一张纸币，象拿手绢一样，在上面打喷嚏，然后扔掉）如果说我憎恨什么的话，那就是炫耀。
Excuse me. (Pull a bill from your wallet, handle it as you would a handkerchief, sneeze and then throw the bill away and say) If there’s one I hate ostentation.幽默注释：炫耀吧，有钱人有炫耀的资本。
创新句子：我不想炫耀，有学问的人不爱炫耀。
你们都知道，在公司里我只要求员工三件事：诚实、正直和崇拜偶像。
As you know, in all these years with the company, I have only asked for three things from my staff: honesty, integrity and idolatry.
谁有小学生5年级英语演讲稿啊最好是3分钟之内就能讲完的 笑话、寓言故事、童话故事都行
The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young. 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。
一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。
因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。
她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。
” A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat. Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river. He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。
”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。
他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。
” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。
他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。
不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, Do come and see me at my house in the country. So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city. The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, Run! Run! The cat is coming! They ran away quickly and hid. After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid. 【译文】 城里老鼠和乡下老鼠 从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。
一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。
很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。
”于是，城里老鼠就去了。
乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。
它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。
城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢
你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。
” 乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。
房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。
可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑
快跑
猫来了
”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。
当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。
因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。
” Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,School-Go slow. 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着学校----慢行. A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday? I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered. You're a good boy, said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman? She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了
” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。
可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢
” “她是个卖糖果的。
” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad? Well, my son, his father replied, look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But, dad, the boy said, there's only ONE policeman! 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思
” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。
如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。
” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀
” A little bird fly to south for the winter. It was very cold, almost frozen bird. Hence, fly to a large space, after a cow there, in a pile of cow dung upon the bird, frozen bird lying on the dunghill, feel very warm, gradually recovered, it is warm and comfortable lying, and soon began to sing songs, a passing wildcat hear voices, see, follow the voice, wildcats quickly found lying on the dunghill, bird, pull it out.The way of existence: not everyone to lead the dung upon your people are your enemy. Each of you is not from the dunghill lire people are your friends, and, when you lying on the dunghill, had better keep your mouth shut.粪堆里的小鸟一只小鸟飞到南方去过冬。
天很冷，小鸟几乎冻僵了。
于是，飞到一大块空地上，一头牛经过那儿，拉了一堆牛粪在小鸟的身上，冻僵的小鸟躺在粪堆里，觉得很温暖，渐渐苏醒过来，它温暖而舒服的躺着，不久唱起歌来，一只路过的野猫听到声音，走过去看个究竟，循着声音，野猫很快发现了躺在粪堆里的小鸟，把它拽出来吃掉了。
生存之道：不是每个往你身上拉大粪的人都是你的敌人。
也不是每个把你从粪堆里拉出来的人都是你的朋友，还有，当你躺在粪堆里时，最好把你的嘴闭上。
One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a sign by his feet, that read: I am blind, please help. A creative publicist was walking by the blind man and stopped to observe that the man only had a few coins in his hat. He put a few of his own coins in the hat, and without stopping to ask for permission, took the sign, turned it around, and wrote a new message. He then placed the sign by the feet of the blind man, and left. Later that afternoon the creative publicist returned by the blind man and noticed that his hat was almost completely full of bills and coins. The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was him who had changed his sign? He also wanted to know what the man wrote on it? 一天，有个瞎子坐在一栋大楼的台阶上，脚下的标牌上写着：“我是个瞎子，请帮帮我。
” 一位有创意的广告员从瞎子身旁经过时停了下来，看到瞎子的帽子里只有一些硬币。
他也在帽子里放了几个硬币，未经允许，就拿过标牌，翻过来在上面重新写了一句标语，然后把标牌放回瞎子的脚下，离开了。
那天下午晚些时候，这位广告员回到了这个身旁，他发现帽子里几乎装满了纸钞和硬币。
瞎子听出了他的脚步声，问他是否是那个改标牌的人
他也想知道这位男士在上面写了什么。
广告员回答说：“我只是改了你的标语使人们能够看明白。
”他向这个瞎子表达了祝福，说了再见，继续走自己的路。
瞎子并不知道，他的新标语是这样的： 现在是春天，但我却看不到。
