两个人的英语相声 剧本 有分
今天，我给大家说段相声
（边说边张望）怎么还不来。
乙：(慌慌张张上)我来了甲：呦，您……您这是怎么了
乙：别提了，都是那英语给闹的
甲：怎么了
都怎么了
快说来听听
乙：倒霉事全让我给碰上了
甲：你那些倒霉事情都是你亲自倒霉的
乙：废话
还有别人代替倒霉的
甲：能不能把你那些倒霉事说给大家听听乙：不愿意
甲：为什么
乙：心里难受。
甲：想要大家的掌声吗
乙：当然想甲：你讲了，大家就会给你鼓掌，是不是呀
乙：那就给大伙说说
甲：好
大伙给鼓鼓掌掌
乙：说起我这些倒霉事呀，都怨我英语学得太好了。
甲：怨英语学得好
乙：可不是吗。
你记得我家旁边那邻居家大个子吗
甲：记得
就那个说中国话都（学一段结巴）这样的
乙：就是这个四肢发达，嘴巴结巴的二狗子打我的
。
甲：他干吗打你了
乙：他不是上高一吗
甲：对
乙：高一不是也有英语吗
甲：英语那是必修课
乙：你想就他那中国话都学不好，英语肯定是一个字。
甲：什么
乙：bad!甲：他英语差碍你了
乙：唉，就上个周末
他拿了一张全是英文翻译中文的卷子。
甲：周末布置点作业没什么那
乙：他没什么，我有事了
甲：怎么了
乙：他像往常一样，找我来问问题了
甲：他都高一，来找一个初中生问问题
乙：谁让咱英语好呢。
甲：那就教呗乙：该死就该死在这个出卷子的老师上。
甲：怎么了。
乙：那题目条条都是要命的
甲：怎么个要命法
乙：我一个人演不了，要咱们配合一下，我演二狗子，你演我。
甲：行
乙：你正在看电视呢，我拿着卷子近来问你题目，你一边看电视一边回答
甲：行
乙：小毛驴
甲：唉，（这都什么名字，没个好听的）乙：我……我问你两……两道题目。
这个“I don’t know.”是……是……是……什么意思
甲：“I don’t know.”我不知道 乙：你别……别看电视了，你怎……怎么会都……都不……不知道
甲：不是
就是“我不知道”吗
乙：还嘴……嘴硬(一个脑瓜嘣儿)那“I know.“是……是什么意思，你……你该……该知道吧。
甲：是“我知道“ 乙：知……知道就……就快说。
甲：就是“我知道“ 乙：找……找……茬呀你
刚才收拾……收拾的轻了是不
甲：就是我知道呀
乙：知道……知道你还不说
不懂……不……不要装懂
(又三个脑瓜嘣) 你……你给我小……小心点，不就英……英语学得好
跟谁……谁摆谱，再问你最……最后一个，说……说不出来我……我收拾你，“I know but I don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思
甲：我知道，但是我就不想告诉你
乙：我一听这题目，我敢翻译吗
我拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，我告诉他，我不会，这下你满意吧
甲：满意了不
乙：总算走了，不过一会儿就来问我了“I hear nothing ,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 甲:“我没听清,再说一次“ 乙:I hear nothing, repeat. 甲：我没听清,再说一次乙：我这是话音刚落，就连被弹了三个脑瓜嘣儿。
最后问了一句：Look up in the dictionary是什么意思
甲：“查字典”乙：我刚说出口，头上又来两下。
甲：那你
乙：我连忙改口：邻居是最好的朋友
甲：你怎么瞎说
乙：我敢说实话吗
再说实话我不得一命呜呼那
甲：唉，看来你是够倒霉的。
跪求英语相声剧本，要三个人的，5,6分钟，大一水平
相声好歹也是中国的传统文化，拿英语说就没原来的味道了，就像不会有人拿英语唱京剧一样。
也许你需要的是像两人对话的情景剧或者小笑话之类的，相声还是算了吧。
相声学外语台词
口语学习的提高就是坚持每天多说英语，可以利用.好.下班时间在线学习的，建议可以去ABC天卞口语，我在里面学习了一段时间 里面的老师要求比较严 教学方法独特 在口语口译方面可以得到突飞猛进的效果...校园小品剧本：搞笑幽默相声小品短剧本台词校园小品人物：团支书，小艾，小玲，小场景：教室团支书：同学们，同窗们，同志们，同胞们，同。
。
同。
。
同什么们
请大家听我说一句
三人：说吧。
团支书：你们听不听啊
三人：听着呢
团支书：真的听
三人：真的!团支书：确定
三人：确定。
团支书：不反悔
三人：不反悔。
团支书：你们是认真的
没骗我
三人：你说不说啊
团支书：噢，我开始说了
----我要说什么来的
三人晕倒。
团支书：啊对了
三人坐起。
团支书：我真的忘了我要说什么
三人又晕倒。
团支书：好了，言归传正，你们再不能醉死梦生了
你们一定要自强不息，自告奋勇，自，自，自。
。
好好改过，抵制日货
小玲：这都什么乱七八糟的
团支书：小玲
你为什么上课要睡觉
小玲：我困故我睡
团支书：你为什么不在宿舍睡
小玲：我也想啊
可老师不让走
团支书：你就不能下课睡
小玲：我下课了也睡
团支书：那你晚上做什么
小玲：你晚上做什么
团支书：睡觉啊
小玲：我们这个习性一样
团支书：你除了睡觉还做什么
小玲：很重要的事
----吃饭
团支书：那学习怎么办
小玲：我也想咨询这个问题呢
团支书：同学
请端正态度
为什么一天到晚都睡觉
小玲：是啊
团支书：就不能一晚到天睡吗
小玲晕倒。
小艾：哈哈哈
团支书：小艾，你怎么总是玩游戏
小艾：心理需要
团支书：游戏有什么好玩的
课余时间玩玩就算了
最瞧不起你们这些玩游戏的，一点技术含量没有
告诉你老师很生气，后果很严重
小：哈哈，你又挂了
团支书：还有你小
小：有
团支书：看看你一天，除了找女生约会，喝茶散步，这成绩都被你泡进去值得吗
小：是啊
前途无靓啊
---无靓女
团支书：是前途无亮了，――无光亮
同学们，同窗们，同志们，同―――三人：你就直说吧
团支书：同什么们
三人晕倒。
团支书：燃烧我们的青春吧
小玲：没火柴
团支书：努力奋进吧
小艾：没力气
团支书：抛弃你们的坏习惯
小：它不抛弃我
团支书：来来来，我们一起用功吧
三人趴下：唉
团支书：打起神精来，抓紧时间，让我们――――下课铃响。
团支书：――――吃饭去
三人：耶
团支书：你们怎么可以这样啊
你们这样对得起，对得起国家，对得起人民，对得起你们老母吗
对得起------我吗
小艾若有所感：妈
团支书：哎
小艾：我便宜
团支书：纯属意外
music!(之类抒情曲)小玲：其实，我也不是那么想睡觉
睡了，只是为了逃避现实
睡了，就看不见讲课的老师，看不见认真的同学，什么也不用想，什么也不用思考
我也想学习，但总觉得，想休息其他三人鼓掌。
小艾：说真的，我也不一定要玩游戏。
是因为觉得学的好累，又学不好，只是想借游戏来麻痹自己
越是苦闷，越是玩游戏，游戏中我是王者，给了我暂时的快乐，但是成绩也越差。
成绩越差，又越苦闷
其他三人鼓掌。
小：说实在的，我对爱情确实有许多的渴望。
想体会月上柳梢头，人约黄昏后的浪漫，也为了逃避学习而找借口
一旦放松自己，人也懒散了，更不想学习了。
三人鼓掌。
团支书：我想我明白你们的心情，你们是走入了心灵的阴影
所以我想拉你们一把
作为团支书，帮助你们是我的责任!作为同学，我更希望掉队的同学归队
（音乐停
）因为我们来到同一个集体，从那一天起，我们就是一家人了
（音乐《因为我们是一家人》）团支书：好
也许你们一时间无法适应，但我会一直帮助你们，指导你们，引诱你们
三人：啊
团支书：不
引导你们!诱惑你们
三人：哎
团支书：总而之言一句话，大家一起努力吧
三人：fightting
几个人一块努力学习，互相帮助，下。
小玲：在团支书的帮助下，我终于明白了三万六千日，夜夜当秉烛
我的成绩，终于出现了（拿出牌子
）优
（唱）我喜欢酸的甜这就是真的我，重修的门从此不再来，多么美好的世界，等待着我去发现
小艾：（夹着书）自从我不再打游戏，轻轻松松过四级，现在我努力学英语，目标：―――第一
（唱）呵呵哈快别再打游戏
呵呵哈快别再打游戏
重修天王的招牌，被我一脚踢开
小：书中自有颜如玉，书中自有。
。
还是颜如玉
自从有了书的陪伴，我空虚的心灵终于被填满
我挥一挥衣袖，不再接一份重修单
（唱）我要变成童话里努力的那个孩子，不再重修快快乐乐地学习
团支书：同学们，同窗们，同志们，同――――怎么都走光了
同什么们
你们终于成为优秀团员啦
要继续努力，永不放弃啊
三人：谢啦
同什么们
谢幕偷车情缘（校园小品）人物：男偷T，女偷T，男生S，女生S场景：长椅边内容：男偷背包上：天气好，抖精神，拿上家伙跨出门，不靠家，不求人，富裕全都靠个人
你问我是做什么
嘿嘿
（拿出背包里的一大串钥匙）偷车神
女T上：（唱）我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米，不管有多少风雨，偷车我都不放弃。
男T忙捂住嘴：呦
宝贝，别唱出来啊
小心让人听见
女t：瞧你那胆小的样
听见了有谁信啊
你看我像贼吗
男t：（一脸深沉）天下无贼
女t：那你我是什么
男t：废话!我们是小偷啊
女t：你这是什么话
也对!男t：嘘
看，猎物来了
先闪人
男S推自行车上：这年头读书读到老，年纪转眼也不小，混到这样也没个相好
今儿个我通过人介绍，把（看了全场一圈）女朋友找
（抬头）到了!这就是约会地点了。
（停车）介绍人说了，为了来点浪漫，也为我们之间迅速来电，让我对个暗号见个面，我问何处有卖拐
她说没看见
何处有卖拐啊
（下）男t：听见没
约会的愣头青
看样子女的没来
你去把他拖住，我把车子搞定
女t：不干
男t：来了
（下）男s走过来：何处有卖拐啊
女t：哪呢
没看见
男s：（激动的上前鞠躬）初次见面，请多指教。
本人才疏学浅，脾气暴躁，但热爱生活，不打不闹，等候多时，企盼您的驾到
女t：啊
我说。
。
男s：不必多言
（手语）爱是我们共同的语言
你是风子我是沙，我们的爱情就(第二音)是花，你是鱼儿我是水，我们的爱情张不开嘴
我先请你喝杯茶吧。
茶是水，茶是情，茶是我们爱情的解（结）晶
女t：啊
男s：不是
茶是我们爱情的见证
女t：可是我。
。
男s：不要推辞，给兄弟我点面子
女t掏出面巾。
男s：这是干嘛
女t：你不是要面纸
男s：哎
还真给面子
总之喝茶去吧，走（两人下）男t上：还有什么爱情见证
你就是有爱情证件，也把不到我女朋友
真正的爱情，是要靠爱情的币来维持的
啥是爱情的币
这都不知道
各地区不同
这地方叫（掏出）人民币
开工
（拿出一大串钥匙在左手，锯子在右手）瞧那小子的暗号
真老土
觉得自己挺拽，一看就是被甩!对个暗号叫什么何处有拐卖
哈哈，何处有拐卖
女s推自行车上：没看见
男t一惊：还好没看见
不对啊，怎么没看见呢
女s把车停下：我家里水管爆了，闹钟不闹了，货车堵道了，碰上通告了，买了份了，一看真的需要了
于是---------男t：怎么地
女s：（鞠一躬）我迟到了
男t长出一口气：你是----女s：我是
男t：我----女s：你也是!男t：我们------女s：我们都是
男t醒悟状：噢---------啥玩意
女s看了男一眼，不好意思地回头笑笑又看一眼，回头笑笑。
男t：啥毛病
女s：哎
你在做什么啊
男t抬起左手：锁车
女s：你好多钥匙哦
男t：我们家门钥匙!女s：你们家门可真多
男t：我们家为防盗，一个门上装了多把锁!女s：可这怎么也有五六十把
男t：那你看错了
女s：嗯
男t：有上百把
女s：啊
男t：啊。
。
这个，我们家门的四周都上了锁!女s：那可怎么开门啊
男t：把锁都打开把门这么一拉-----女s：啊
男t：只听咣当一声-----女s：门开啦
男t：我在下面呢
女s笑了：你真幽默
拿这锯子。
。
男t：这。
。
这是礼物!女s：送锯子
男t：本想送几朵花
可发现树上才有阆苑仙葩
拿来锯子准备吧嗒
女s：做什么啊
男t：把树砍倒，折一枝花
女s：那不是破坏树木吗?男t：为了心里的那个她
女s：还挺曼烂
男t：虾米
女s：罗曼‘提’克
男t：新词啊
没听过，只听过罗曼蒂克
不如我们去喝杯茶吧
茶是水，茶是情，茶是我们爱情的解晶
女s的笑了：见证吧。
男t：对了，是证件
走
（装东西时锤子掉出来了。
）女s：这是
男t：若是锯子没用，就用锤子搞定
(看了一眼车)女s：用锤子砍树
第一次听说。
跟你认识我真高兴
男t：你是风子我是沙，我们的爱情是个瓜
女s：啥瓜
男t：不是傻瓜
是哈密瓜
你是鱼儿我是水，我们的爱情找不着北
女s：北在那边呢
男t：先喝点茶水
你是勺子我是锅
我们的爱情偷不着车
女s：什么
男t：我说我们的爱情像唱歌
（二人下）我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米
不管有多少风雨，偷车我都不放弃
求一篇2人的英语相声剧本
Once there lived a kind and lovely girl. After her father's death, her stepmother became cruel to her.Her two step-sisters teased her, asking her to do all the housework. 有一位可爱善良的姑娘，她父亲很去世了。
她的继母经常虐待继母带来的两个孩子也经常她，她们把灰姑娘当女拥一样使唤。
stepmother: Do the laundry and get on with your duties. Clean the floors right away. And what's more,bring me my breakfast. 把这些衣服拿到洗衣房做你的事情。
把地板赶快给我擦干净。
另外，把我的早饭带来。
stepsister1: Cinderella! Get me my sweater, I feel a little cold. 灰姑娘，把我的衣服拿来，我感到有点冷。
stepsister2: Hurry up! Prepare the carriage for me, hand me my gloves. I'm to be late for my date. You're so, you're always so sluggish. 快点
把马车给我准备好，递我手套。
我约会要晚了，你总是那么慢慢腾腾的。
Cruel as her stepmother was to her, Cinderella still lived an optimistic life. She had a lot of animal friends. 虽然继母这样对她，可灰姑娘还是乐观地活着，另外她还有许多小动物做她的朋友。
One day, the king held a party for the prince to choose the girl he loved. Every maid in the town was invited to the party. 一天，国王要让王子自己选择心爱的人，为王子举办了一个宫廷舞会，邀请城里所有的姑娘参加。
The stepmother took her two daughters to the party, leaving Cinderella at home, because she was jealous of Cinderella's beauty. 可继母嫉妒灰姑娘的美貌，让灰姑娘在家干活，独自带着女儿去了。
Cinderella was broken-hearted. At that time, her fairy godmother appeared. 灰姑娘非常地伤心，这时，教母出现了。
Cinderella: There's nothing left to believe in. Nothing! 没有什么我相信的事情，什么也没有
Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don't really mean that. 亲爱的，什么也没有吗
但现在你的意思并不是这样。
Cinderella: Oh, but I do. 噢，但我确实是这样想的。
Godmother: Nonsense, child! If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here. And here I am!Oh, come now, Dry those tears! 胡说，孩子。
如果你失去了你的信仰，我就不会在这里了。
但现在我在这，噢，过来，擦干眼泪。
Cinderella: Why then, you must be... 为什么你一定在。
。
。
Godmother: Your fairy godmother? Of course. Now let's see, hmm...now...the magic words.Bibbidi-boddidi-boo. Put them together and what have you got. 你传说中的教母
当然，现在让我看看。
。
。
现在，这些魔力的话，Bibbidi-boddidi-boo。
把它们放在一起，看你得到了什么。
Cinderella: Oh, it's beautiful! It's like a dream, a wonderful dream come true. 噢，它太美丽了
象一个梦，一个美好的梦想变成了现实。
Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever. You'll have only till night and... 是的，我的孩子，象所有的梦一样。
恐怕它不能永远延续下去。
你仅仅能在午夜和。
。
。
拥有它。
Cinderella: Midnight?Oh, thank you. 午夜
噢，谢谢你。
Godmother: Oh, just a minute. Remember, on the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken and everything will be as it was before. 噢，等一会儿。
记住，当时钟敲响到12点的时候，钟将会打破，一切事情又恢复了从前。
Cinderella: Oh, I understand, but...it's more than I ever hoped for. 哦，我懂了。
但它比我期望的要多地多。
Godmother: Bless you, my child. Enjoy yourself. 祝福你，我的孩子，玩得开心。
At the party, Cinderella danced with the prince all the time.Time passed quickly. All of a sudden, Cinderella caught sight of the clock on the wall. Oh, it is almost twelve o'clock-five to twelve! 舞会上，灰姑娘成了王子唯一选中的舞伴，灰姑娘与王子高兴地跳舞，旁人都很羡慕地看着他们，议论他们。
时间在美妙的歌舞中过去，墙上的大钟突然映入灰姑娘的眼里，差5分钟12点。
Cinderella: Oh, my goodness! 噢，天啊
Prince: What's the matter? 什么事
Cinderella: It's midnight. It's almost midnight. 午夜了，快到午夜了。
Prince: Yes, so it is.But why? 是的，但又怎样呢
Cinderella: Goodbye. 再见。
Prince: No, no,wait, you can't go now. 不，等等，你现在不能走。
Cinderella: Oh, I must, please, I must. 噢，我必须走。
Prince: But why? 但为什么呢
Cinderella: goodbye. 再见。
Prince: No, wait, come back. Please come back! I don't even know your name. How will I find you? Wait, please wait! Wait! 不，等等，回来，请回来
我连你的名字都不知道呢。
我怎么能找到你呢
等等，等等，等等
Cinderella: Goodbye. 再见。
The next day, every maid in the town was ordered to try the glass shoe.Whoever the shoes fitted well would be the bride of the princel.No one could put on the shoe, nor could the two step-sisters. When the officials were going to leave, Cinderella appeared and asked to have a try. 第二天，国王命令城中每一位女孩必须史穿玻璃鞋，穿上鞋子最合适的姑娘将成为王子的新娘。
但城中没有一个女孩能穿着合适。
最后来到灰姑娘的家中，继母的女儿们当然也不能穿上那双玻璃鞋， 正当国王的大臣要离开时，灰姑娘出现在楼梯上，她要求试一试鞋。
Cinderella: Please wait! May I try it on? 请等等
我可以试一下吗
Stepmother: Oh, pay no attention to her. 噢，别理她。
stepsister1: It's only Cinderella! 她仅仅是灰姑娘
stepsister2:Impossible. 不可能。
stepsister1: She's out of her mind. 她疯了。
stepmother: Yes, yes. Just an imaginative child. 是的，是的，只是一个爱想象的孩子。
Duke:Of course, you can have a try, my fair lady. 当然你可以试试，我的女士。
Duke: Oh, no!No!This is terrible. The king! What shall I do? 噢，不
不
这很糟糕。
国王
我该做什么呢
Cinderella: But perhaps this would help... 但这或许有点帮助。
。
。
。
Duke: No, no. Nothing can help now, nothing. 不，不。
现在什么都帮不了。
Cinderella: You see, I have the other slipper. 你看，我有另一只拖鞋。
Cinderella and the prince held a grand wedding and they led a happy life from then on. 王子和灰姑娘举行了盛大的婚礼，幸福地生活。
<<灰姑娘>>剧本英文版： 第一场： 旁白：Long, long ago, there was a cute girl, her name is Alice, her mother was dead, her father loved her very much. Father: Dear daughter! These presents are for you! Do you like them? Alice: Yeah, thank you, Dad. Father: My lovely daughter, I hope you are happy forever! 旁白：But one day, her father married a new wife. Look, her step mother and her new sisters are coming. Stepmother: Helen, Jenny, look, how beautiful the house is! mso-charHelen: Yes, and so many fruits. Apples，bananas, mangoes and lychee. Wow, I like them.(吃水果) Jerry: Mum, look, so many beautiful clothes. I like this dress. (往身上穿) Alice： Oh, no, that’s my dress. It’s a new dress my father bought for me. Jerry： Who are you? Mum, who is she? Stepmother: She is your little sister. But it doesn’t matter. Look! Alice, go, clean the room and then cook for us. Alice: Why? I’m not your servant. Stepmother: Yeah. But from now on you are our servant. Alice and Jerry: Mum, I like her dress.(拽衣服) Jenny：I like her necklace.(抢项链戴在脖子上) 旁白：After that, Alice had been their servant. She worked and worked from morning to night. She had no room to live, she had no good food to eat and good clothes to wear. She was more and more dirty, so people called her Cinderella. 第二场： Stepmother: Who is it? Soldier: It’s me. I’m the soldier of the palace. (打开门)Good morning, madam, this is for you and your daughters. mso-charStepmother: What is it?(打开信看) （欢呼）Helen, Jerry, good news! There will be a big dancing party in the palace. The prince will select a queen among the young girls. mso-charTwo daughters: Hooray! I’ll be the queen! mso-charStepmother: Come on, daughters. You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up! mso-charAlice: Mum, I want to go ,too. mso-charThree: You? Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly. mso-charStepmother: Daughters, are you ready? Let’s go. mso-charAlice: Oh, my friends. I really want to go. What shall I do? mso-charCat, Peagion, Dog: Don’t be so sad, Alice. At least, we are with you. mso-charFairy: Poor girl, let me help you. mso-charAnimals: Wow, how beautiful! mso-charCat: You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen. mso-charDog: Yes! You will be the most beautiful girl in the party! mso-charPeagion: Yes! And the prince will love you at once! mso-charFairy: Alice, go to the party and dance. But remember you 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.0; mso-char-indent-size: 12.0pt>must come back before 12 o’clock. Or you will 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 48pt; mso-char-indent-count: 4.0; mso-char-indent-size: 12.0pt>change back. Alice: Thank you , Fairy.(跑) Fairy: (喊)Be careful! Don’t forget the time! Alice: I won’t forget. 第三场 mso-charMinister1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the prince dancing ball. This night, our prince will select the most beautiful and kindest girl to be his queen .Now, young girls, come to the front,please! Minister2：How are they?Which one do you like? Prince: No, I don’t like anyone. (Alice come in) Ministers: Wow, how beautiful! (She’s like a fairy. She’s like a Angel. She’s so lovely. She’s like a princess. How pretty the girl is!) Prince: Pretty princess, may I dance with you? Alice: I’d like to. (music and dance) (one person pick up a clock) Alice: Oh, it’s time to go back. I must go now. Prince: Wait, princess, wait! Alice(跑，掉一只鞋) Prince: (拿起鞋)Pretty princess!Why are you leaving? I must find you! Soldiers! Soldiers: Yes! Prince: Take the shoe to every house. You must find the girl for me. Soldiers: Yes, your highnesss! 第四场： （士兵敲门） Stepmother: What’s the matter, soldiers? Soldier1: Are there any young girls in your family, madam? Soldier2: The pretty princess lost her shoe in the palace. Soldier3: The prince wants to find her and marry her. Helen: Let me try.The shoe is mine. Soldier1: No,it’s not yours. It’s too small for you. Jenny: It’s mine. Let me try it. Soldier2: No, it’s not yours, it’s too small for you. Stepmother: Hi, come on, maybe it’s mine. Let me try it. mso-charSoldier3:Oh, my god, it couldn’t be yours. Do you have another daughter? Alice: Hello, gentlemen, may I try it? Stepmother :You? Go away! Helen: Look at yourself! Jenny: So dirty and so ugly! mso-charHead Soldier: No, ladies, let her try! Come, little girl, try it on,please! mso-charAlice: Thank you! (试鞋) mso-charSoldiers: Wonderful! It’s yours! It fits for you very well! mso-charSoldier1:（Call prince）5535240 mso-charPrince: Hello, this is prince speaking! mso-charSoldier1: Good news, your highnesss! We have found the beautiful girl. mso-charPrince: Really? That’s wonderfull! I’ll come at once. mso-charFairy: My child, happy time is coming. Let me help you the 1last time.(变美丽) mso-charPrince: Oh, my deariest princess, I love you, go with me and be my queen, OK? mso-charAlice: OK! mso-charStepmother and sisters: How did it happen?(昏倒) mso-char旁白：The story finished. Alice found her happiness. Alice and the prince lived happily ever after! And that brings us to the end of the play. (善有善报，恶有恶报，善良的人终会有好报，灰姑娘最终找到了自己的幸福，与王子幸福地生活在一起
检举 The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young. 意思就是：老猫 一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。
一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。
因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。
她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。
” T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear ( 狐假虎威) Tiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very strong. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I’ll die immediately. Oh, there’s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly) Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is! Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal. Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you? Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you. Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now. Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can’t belive her. I’m the king of the forest here. Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest. Tiger: Ok. Let’s go. Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It’s too hard. I can’t pull it out. Bird: I’m a bird. Rabbit: Hi! Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you? Rabbit: Yes, please. Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you? R&B: Yes, come on! Frog : Ok! I’m coming! Bear: I’m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here? R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are allpuling it out. Please come and help us. Bear: Ok! I’m coming. Fox: Hello, Bear! Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Frog! Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Bird! Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Rabbit! Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away! Tiger: Yes, you are right. It’s true. I’m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That’s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king. Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to me.
英语搞笑小品剧本（要简单点）
12分钟好象有点长，我这里有我参加“星星火炬”的剧本。
参考一下额 Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer. In wilderness the mist and dust is billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage) wolf: I originally am come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.) Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers I drank alone. There was no one with me -- Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon To bring me my shadow and make us three. (Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate. Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the mercy, has lifted a foot does not endure to lay down) Guo: (Reads) walks not injuries the cricket 蚁命 manner to have to have the mercy heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way) (field shout big quake) Guo: What happened next? The United States military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the wolf: The adult saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my skin, rescued me! Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere (was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out the inside book) Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago? Guo: Not. Hunter: Thanks gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down) Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the wolf: Is not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry Guo: What then you do want to eat? Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic expression) Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness and you Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long Guo: Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to an old tree under) Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle! Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate you to be able few individual to damage the nature (under old tree, wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow) Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you. Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo: The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch, about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed indeed, declines office due to old age the uncle to teach the farmer: Then the present, we solved it (say. Two people treat the book pouch to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook hand, separates from each other) The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage. 时间 古代。
人物 东郭先生、狼 、猎人、老杏树，老牛、老农。
” 荒野中烟尘滚滚，喊声震天。
内喊：“打狼啊，追啊 （一狼带箭伤上场，） 狼：我本是一只来自北方的狼，无奈今天中箭受了伤 （狼跑下） 〔东郭先生背着书囊上，边走边摇头晃脑地念诗。
） 郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers I drank alone. There was no one with me -- Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon To bring me my shadow and make us three. （，独酌无相亲。
举杯邀明月，对影成三人） （忽然发现路上一群蚂蚁，顿起慈悲之心，已举起的一只脚不忍放下） 郭： （念）走路莫伤蝼蚁命 为人要有慈悲心 （小心翼翼地绕过蚂蚁，继续前行） （后场喊声大震，） 郭：又发生了什么事
美军又与伊拉克交战了吗
（狼跑过上来） 狼：大人救命，后面有个猎人要剥了我的皮，救救我吧
郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道 （说着，卸下背后的包，把里面的书都倒了出来） 郭：你先躲在这个包里吧 （狼地钻进包里） （东郭先生背着书囊，继续走） （猎人上，） 猎人问郭： 请问秀才，刚才看见一只受伤的狼过去了吗
郭：没有啊。
猎人：谢谢先生。
（猎人下） （待猎人走远后，东郭先生把狼从书囊里放了下来） 郭：猎人已走，你快快逃命去吧 狼：不是我不想走，我实在是又累又饿 郭：那你要吃什么
狼：我要吃你的肉
（露出凶狠表情） 郭：那你为何要吃我
我有恩与你 狼：因为你把我闷在书囊里太久了 郭：真是好心没好报。
不行，我要去找人评理
（说完，带着狼向前去） （走到一棵老树下）郭：树大姐，我救了狼，狼却要吃我。
你给我评评这个理
树：该吃
（狼得意的笑了） 树：你们人类无休止地乱砍乱伐，连我们这些老树也不放过，用火来烧我们。
狼为什么不能吃你呢
吃了你就能少个人来祸害大自然了 （老树下，狼慢慢逼近东郭先生） （这时牛上了） 郭： 且慢，让我去问问牛大哥 郭：牛大哥，我好心救了这只狼，现在它却要吃我。
你说该不该
牛：该
我们老牛生下来就要为你们人类干这干那，喝的还是我们的奶。
可我们每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你们还要扒了我们的牛皮去赚钱。
该吃你。
狼：（冷笑）。
看你还有什么好说的 （牛下）（农夫上） 郭：等一等，远处来了一位老农夫。
找他评理，要是他说你该吃了我，我就遵从。
狼：好，我就给你最后一次机会。
郭：老伯，我救了这只狼，它却忘恩负义地要吃我。
你说这有道理吗
农夫问狼：你为何要吃了你的救命恩人
狼：他把我闷在书囊里太久了，差点闷死我 （农夫拿起书囊，上下左右看了看） 农夫：这书囊这么小，装书都装不了多少，怎么装的下你
要不你示范给我看看
狼：示范就示范 （说完，慢慢悠悠地钻了进去） 农夫看准时间，把书囊口扎紧，用绳子绑好。
狼就被困在里面了 农夫：傻秀才啊，野兽终究是野兽，改不了本性的。
做人千万不能过分仁慈
郭：（点头称是）的确的确，多谢老伯教诲 农夫：那么现在，我们就把它“解决了吧” （说罢。
两人对着书囊拳打脚踢，农夫还用锄头砸狼。
狼在里面发出哀号声，不一会便没了动静） （农夫与东郭先生握了握手，分道扬镳） 幕落，全体演员上场。
剧本是我自己写的，希望给你帮上忙啊
求两人搞笑相声剧本，大约2-3分钟左右，快快几天后就用，内容健康，一定要搞笑。
甲：过来过来过来，叫什么名字啊
乙：嘿嘿嘿……嘿嘿嘿嘿……我叫记不住~ 甲：考考你啊，这是几呀（伸出一个指头） 乙：油条。
甲：这是几呀（伸出二个指头） 乙：两根油条。
甲：这是几呀（伸出五个指头） 乙：一把油条。
甲：你就认识个油条，认真读书。
念：赵钱孙李 乙：赵钱孙李。
甲：赵钱孙李。
乙：赵钱孙李，老师，我脑袋晕。
（摇头晃脑中……） 甲：你换一个方向转。
下面是周吴朕王。
乙：周吴朕王。
甲：周吴朕王。
乙：周吴朕王。
老师，我眼睛发黑…… 甲：别打岔，上面是什么啊
乙：上面
上面是房顶啊。
甲：连房顶都出来了。
甲：赵钱孙李。
乙：哦对，赵钱孙李。
甲：下面呢
乙：下面
又忘了。
甲：我刚教你的。
乙：啊。
我刚忘的。
甲：一块读。
乙：一块都忘了。
甲：赵钱孙李。
（生气） 乙：哦对，赵孙李。
甲：钱呢
乙：钱
都花了。
甲：干什么花了
乙：买油条吃了。
甲：你到能吃啊。
甲：我给你讲解一次啊，加深你的印象。
赵钱孙李，赵就是赵老师。
看见没有
我，赵老师。
乙：哦。
我，赵老师。
甲：我是赵老师
（再次生气） 乙：我是赵老师。
甲：你是赵老师
乙：哎，我是赵老师。
甲：你不蠢嘛。
钱，钱就是交学钱。
乙：哦，交钱。
哎，交过一次了。
怎么又要交啊
你是骗钱的吧
甲：懒得理你，继续啊。
孙，就是小孙子。
李，就是不讲礼。
周五朕王。
周，就是皮蛋粥。
吴，就是无事生非，无法无天。
郑，就是不正经。
王，就是兽中之王。
乙：哦，就是大老虎吧? 甲：随你怎么说。
明白了吧
乙：明白了。
甲：能讲么
乙：讲是能讲，（迟疑3秒左右）老师我不能顺着讲，我只能到过来讲。
甲：那你到过来讲。
乙：到过来就是：大老虎，不正经，无法无天皮蛋粥。
小孙子，不讲理。
骗钱的是赵老师。
嘿嘿嘿嘿……（最后一句指着甲说
