需要一篇不超过3分钟的英语演讲稿，要幽默有趣，中英对照
三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的 牙科医生：起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔我得收二十五美元 母亲：二十五美元
可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀
牙科医生：是的。
但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了
三分钟幽默英语演讲
Class, Lass and AssProfessor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow.A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the c in the word class. The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the c erased--calmly walked up and erased the l in lass, looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.班级、情人和蠢驴汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：“汤姆教授明天将和大家见面”。
一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将“class”中的“c”擦掉，将意思变为“汤姆教授明天将和情妇见面”。
教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把“lass”中的“l”擦掉，将意思改为“汤姆教授明天将和蠢驴见面”。
看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。
Be Much WorsePoliceman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.可能更糟警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢
男士：如果我张嘴喊叫，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。
那样情况就更糟了
Wait a MinuteTom: My grand God, what does a millennium mean to you?God: It only means a minute.Tom: My omnipotent god, what do 10,000 golden coins mean to you?God: Just a small coin.Tom: My humane god, please give me a small coin.God: Ok, poor man, please wait a minute.等一分钟汤姆：我伟大的上帝，一千年对你来说，意味着什么
上帝：它只意味着一分钟。
汤姆：我万能的上帝，一万枚金币对你来说，意味着什么
上帝：它只意味着一枚小硬币。
汤姆：我仁慈的上帝，那就请给我一枚小硬币吧
上帝：好吧，可怜的人，请等一分钟吧。
THE FIRST TIMEPatient: I'm so frightened, this is my first operation.Surgeon: I know just how you feel. This is my first operation, too.第一次病人：我很害怕，这是我第一次动手术。
外科医生：我完全理解你的心情。
这也是我第一次动手术。
GOOD SIGHTLawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.好视力律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西
证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。
EXPENSIVE ADVICEThe doctor finally reached his table at a dinner, after breaking away from a woman who sought advice on a health problem.Do you think I should send her a bill? the doctor asked a lawyer who sat next to him.Why not? the lawyer replied. You rendered professional services by giving advice.Thanks, the physician said. I think I'll do that.When the doctor went to his office the next day to send the bill to the woman, he found a letter from the lawyer. It read:For legal services, $50.昂贵的建议大夫在打发走了一个就健康问题向他咨询的妇女之后，最后来到餐桌上。
“你认为我应该向她收费吗
”大夫问坐在身边的一个律师。
“有什么不应该
”律师答道，“你通过提建议提供了职业性服务。
”“谢谢，”大夫说道，“看来我得这么做。
”第二天当大夫去办公室给那位妇女写账单时，他收到律师的一封信。
信中写道：“请付法律服务费５０美元。
”HIS FAULTBilly: Mother, Bobby broke a window.Mother: How did he do it?Billy: I threw a rock at him and he ducked.他的错比利：妈妈，波比打坏了窗玻璃。
妈妈：他怎么打的
比利：我向他扔石头，他躲开了。
TELEMARKETERI answered the phone one evening and quickly realized the voice on the other end belonged to a telemarketer.Good evening, he said, may I speak with Leah Jonason?She is a baby, I replied.All right, said the caller, I'll try again later.电话推销员一天晚上我接了一个电话，对方的声音使我很快意识到他是个电话推销员。
“晚上好，”他说，“我想和利厄乔纳森说话。
”“她是个婴儿，”我回答说。
“没关系，”他说，“我以后再打。
”
三分钟幽默英语演讲
A Boy and His Tree A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it every day. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow… He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by…The little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree. One day, the boy came back to the tree and looked sad. “Come and play with me,” the tree asked the boy. “I am no longer a kid, I don’t play around trees anymore.” The boy replied, “I want toys. I need money to buy them.” “Sorry, but I don’t have money…but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money.” The boy was so excited. He picked all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy didn’t come back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad. One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited. “Come and play with me.” The tree said. “I don’t have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?” “Sorry, but I don’t have a house. But you can cut off my branches to build your house.” So the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy didn’t appear since then. The tree was again lonely and sad. One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was delighted. “Come and play with me!” the tree said. “I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?” “Use my trunk to build the boat. You can sail and be happy.” So the boy cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and did not show up for a long time. Finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I don’t have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you.” the tree said. “ I don’t have teeth to bite.” The boy replied. “ No more trunk for you to climb on.” “I am too old for that now.” the boy said. “I really want to give you something…the only thing left is my dying roots.” The tree said with tears. “I don’t need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years.” The boy replied. “Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest. Come here, please sit down with me and have a rest.” The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears… This is a story of everyone. The tree is our parent. When we were young, we loved to play with Mom and Dad… When we grow up, we leave them, and only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could to make you happy. You may think that the boy is cruel to the tree but that's how all of us are treating our parents. 很久以前有一棵苹果树。
一个小男孩每天都喜欢来到树旁玩耍。
他爬到树顶，吃苹果，在树荫里打盹……他爱这棵树，树也爱和他一起玩。
随着时间的流逝，小男孩长大了。
他不再到树旁玩耍了。
一天，男孩回到树旁，看起来很悲伤。
“来和我玩吧
”树说。
“我不再是小孩了，我不会再到树下玩耍了。
”男孩答到，“我想要玩具，我需要钱来买。
” “很遗憾，我没有钱……但是你可以采摘我的所有苹果拿去卖。
这样你就有钱了。
”男孩很兴奋。
他摘掉树上所有的苹果，然后高兴地离开了。
自从那以后男孩没有回来。
树很伤心。
一天，男孩回来了，树非常兴奋。
“来和我玩吧。
”树说。
“我没有时间玩。
我得为我的家庭工作。
我们需要一个房子来遮风挡雨，你能帮我吗
”很遗憾，我没有房子。
但是，你可以砍下我的树枝来建房。
“因此，男孩砍下所有的树枝，高高兴兴地离开了。
看到他高兴，树也很高兴。
但是，自从那时起男孩没再出现，树有孤独，伤心起来。
突然，在一个夏日，男孩回到树旁，树很高兴。
“来和我玩吧
”树说。
“我很伤心，我开始老了。
我想去航海放松自己。
你能不能给我一条船
” “用我的树干去造一条船，你就能航海了，你会高兴的。
”于是，男孩砍倒树干去造船。
他航海去了，很长一段时间未露面。
许多年后男孩终于回来了。
“很遗憾，我的孩子，我再也没有任何东西可以给你了。
没有苹果给你……”树说。
“我没有牙齿啃。
” 男孩答到。
“没有树干供你爬。
”“现在我老了，爬不上去了。
” 男孩说。
“我真的想把一切都给你……我唯一剩下的东西是快要死去的树墩。
” 树含着眼泪说。
“现在，我不需要什么东西，只需要一个地方来休息。
经过了这些年我太累了。
”男孩答到。
“太好了
老树墩就是倚着休息的最好地方。
过来，和我一起坐下休息吧。
” 男孩坐下了，树很高兴，含泪而笑…… 这是一个发生在每一个人身上的故事。
那棵树就像我们的父母。
我们小的时候，喜欢和爸爸妈妈玩……长大后，便离开他们，只有在我们需要父母亲，或是遇到了困难的时候，才会回去找他们。
尽管如此，父母却总是有求必应，为了我们的幸福，无私地奉献自己的一切。
你也许觉得那个男孩很残忍，但我们何尝不是这样呢
求搞笑的英语演讲稿3分钟左右
Tom and John are exchanging ideas.They are very good friends,yet they have never met.So how do they become friends? By computer! Now the Internet is being used by busnesses,governments and students.In fact,the Internet anyone can use it if his or her computer is connected to it. They can use the Internet to send the emails.Tom and John become friends because they both like the same music.They sent letters to the news group on the Internet where the can discuss it. They find than they have many things in common. 汤姆和约翰在交换意见。
他们是很好的朋友，但是他们从来没有见过面。
那么他们是怎么成为朋友的呢
通过电脑
现在网络被公司，政府和学生们使用。
实际上只要电脑连接在网络上，任何人都可以使用它。
他们可以用它来发送电子邮件。
汤姆和约翰成为朋友是因为他们喜欢同样的歌曲。
他们把邮件发送到网络上的新闻中心，在那里他们可以讨论。
他们发现他们有很多相同的地方。
三分钟的英语演讲稿，无主题，幽默点最好。
Students, Hello everybody! My name is （）, （） years old. Enjoy learning English and enjoy reading about the kind of book in English, but learning English is not my best subject. I often do some exercise, I was free. My eyes are not large, and my hair is short.today i am going to hold a topic about the animalspersonally，i am very like animals，beacause i think all the creatures are our friend。
i like lion ，leopard ，tiger，wolf，dog and so on。
i like them especially when they running free，i felt so cool when they running。
Lion is my favourite animal ，cause they are strength，powerful and brave ，but quite cute some time。
i dont like snake，i feel afraid and sick of them，indeed ，i thought them is very fearful。
anyway ，i do hope people dont hurt any kinds of animal and be remember ：animal is our friend。
we should protect them and take care of them。
My lecture finished, thank you!同学们，大家好
我的名字是（），（）岁。
享受学习英语，享受英语书读的那种，但学英语不是我最好的科目。
我常常做一些运动，我是自由的。
我的眼睛不是很大，我的头发是短的。
今天我要把有关动物的话题就我个人而言，我非常喜欢动物，因为我认为动物们都是我们的朋友。
我喜欢狮子，豹子，老虎，狼，狗等等。
我喜欢他们，特别是当他们自由的奔跑，我觉得很酷的当他们运行。
狮子是我最喜欢的动物，因为他们的力量，强大和勇敢，但很可爱的一段时间。
我喜欢蛇，我的确感到害怕和厌恶他们，，我认为他们是很可怕的。
无论如何，我希望人们也伤害任何一种动物，记住：动物是我们的朋友。
我们应该保护他们，照顾他们。
我的演讲完毕，谢谢
英语演讲稿3分钟带翻译
Keep Your Direction 坚持你的方向What would you do if you failed? Many people may choose to give up. However, the surest way to success is to keep your direction and stick to your goal.On your way to success, you must keep your direction. It is just like a lamp, guiding you in darkness and helping you overcome obstacles on your way. Otherwise, you will easily get lost or hesitate to go ahead.Direction means objectives. You can get nowhere without an objective in life.You can try to write your objective on paper and make some plans to achieve it. In this way, you will know how to arrange your time and to spend your time properly. And you should also have a belief that you are sure to succeed as long as you keep your direction all the time.翻译：如果了你会怎么做
很可能会选择。
然而，要想成功，最可靠的方法就是坚的方向和目标。
在通往成功的路上，你必须坚持你的方向。
它就像一盏灯，在黑暗中为你指路，帮助你度过难关。
否则，你很容易就会迷失方向或犹豫不前。
方向意味着目标。
人生如果没有目标，将一事无成。
你可以试着把你的目标写在纸上，并制定实现目标的计划。
这样，你就会懂得如何合理安排时间，如何正确地支配时间。
而且你还要有这样的信念：只要你一直坚持自己的方向，你就一定可以成功。
英语演讲稿3分钟（以中学生的视角写一篇带幽默有翻译的演讲稿，以爱好和学习方法为话题 ）
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning. That's fine, roared the boss, but where were you Monday and Tuesday? 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。
他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。
他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。
” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了
”
