求 美国新脱口秀女王Ellen.D在杜兰大学毕业典礼的演讲稿 发我邮箱 79844048@qq.com
Ellen 杜兰大学演讲 Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished guests - you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher. And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up. When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia's, and they're all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning. Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. So there's that. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus - alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had to graduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know if President Cowan knows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity. Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at (? 估计是某家商店的 名字) and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away with it. I'm here because of you. Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up. I'm here because I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times. When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I - I really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought I'd just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what I'm saying is, when you're older, most of you will be gay. Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents? Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her. And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? I don't understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions. And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and I hadn't even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, I'm gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson- at the time he was the king - and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down. And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote. And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay. And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me. Then my career turned into - I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another level of success. And I thought, what if they find out I'm gay, then they'll never watch, and this was a long time ago, this was when we just had white presidents - this was back, many years ago - and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative. And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought, What's the worst that could happen? I can lose my career. I did. I lost my career. The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper. The phone didn't ring for three years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all. Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did. And I realised that I had a purpose. And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished... it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow. And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it. And most stations didn't want to pick it up. Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me. Really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing. I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself. Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place. I don't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets. and I know I'll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am. So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the Pussycat Dolls. How many people thought it was boobies, by the way? It's not, it's groupies. But my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, you'll realise the definition of success changes. For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure. to try to be something that you're not. To live your life as an honest and compassionate person. to contribute in some way. So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that. Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don't take anyone's advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine. And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need to worry. The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine. It's gonna be great. You've already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview. Like, Is it above sea level? . So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with. And you'll be drunk, most of the time. So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, remember this: you're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance. 参考译文： 谢谢，谢谢考恩校长，和有头有脸的来宾们，呃，有头有脸的来宾，你知道你是谁，不 用介绍了，诚心感谢大家�6�7�6�7以及讨厌的西班牙语老师。
感谢所有2009届的毕业生，我知道你们绝大多数人还因为宿醉头痛欲裂，狂欢到今天都 还没睡，但是没听完我的演讲不能毕业，所以都听好了
（学生们欢呼） 当我被问是否来参加毕业典礼演讲的时候，我立刻就回答了：yes
�6�7�6�7然后我才去查 “毕业典礼”是什么意思（众人笑）。
如果我有字典的话就轻松多了，但我家的书大多是portia 的（Ellen 的妻子，澳大利亚人）而且都是澳洲文，所以�6�7�6�7我得自己摸索，去找出这个词 的意思。
“commencement 毕业典礼”：commen 常见的＋cement 水泥，常见的水泥。
你常常 见到水泥，在人行道上，人行道有裂缝，你要是踩到裂缝，就会撞伤你妈妈的背，所以大概 意思就是这样了。
但我很荣幸被邀请来做你们的“常见的水泥”的演讲。
我以为非得是又有名，又是你们 学校的校友才能来�6�7�6�7我没有在这里念过大学，我不知校长先生是否知道，我完全没上过大 学�6�7任何一间大学
我到不是在说你们在浪费时间和金钱，不过看看我，我是个超级成功的 大名人唉
事实上我在这里度过许多成长的岁月，我妈妈在这里工作时，我常来找她�6�7�6�7每当我要 偷她钱包里的钱时。
但我今天在这里的原因，显然不是要偷你们的钱�6�7�6�7我在这里是因为你 们，因为没有比你们更优秀更勇敢的毕业生了。
看看你们每一个人，身穿你们的袍子（学士 袍），通常我们说在早上10点还穿着袍子（睡袍）代表你放弃人生了。
我在这里，因为我爱 纽奥良，我在这里出生成长，在此度过少年时光，正如你们一样，当我住这里时，我只洗过 6次衣服。
当我从学校毕业的时候，我完完全全迷失了自我，学校我指的是初中，后来我也继续念 完了高中。
我当时，没有任何的野心，不知道自己想做什么。
我什么工作都做，我挖生蚝， 当带位员，做酒保，当服务生，粉刷房子，卖吸尘器�6�7�6�7完全不知道自己想做什么。
我只想 随便找个糊口的工作，过一辈子，能有钱负得起房租就行，我完全没有任何计划。
我想说的 是，当我像你们这么大的时候，我真的以为我了解自己，但其实我并不了解，举例来说，我 像你们这么大的时候，还在和男人约会。
所以我的意思是：当你们再长大些后，大多数的人， 都会是gay!） 总之，当时我不知道我的人生要干嘛，而最后我找到了我人生目标，却是因为一件十分 悲惨的事。
我那时可能才19岁，当时的女朋友因为车祸身亡了。
我经过了事故现场，并不 知道是她，还继续往前走。
不久后，才知道那是她。
我当时�6�7�6�7住在地下室的公寓，没有钱， 没有暖气，房子里都是跳蚤。
我困惑不已，心想，为何她突然走了，而为何我又呆再这样一 个境地里。
我无法理解，但其中一定有什么理由。
要是能直接拿起电话打给上帝问个清楚， 不就太好了。
于是我开始写一些东西，心里涌现出一段我和上帝的对话，虽然只是我一个人 的独白。
当我完成了它后，我阅读了这个剧本，对自己说，我说我要在“今夜秀”上和强尼. 卡森一起表演这一段。
强尼.卡森是当时主持届的天王，我对自己说我要成为该节目史上第 一个被邀请和强尼一起坐下来访问的女性。
数年之后，我成为这个节目史上，第一位也是唯 一一位，被邀请坐下来和他访问的女性。
就因为那段我写的和上帝打电话的剧本。
从此我开始做单人脱口秀，做得很成功，也很辛苦，因为我想讨好每一个人，同时又 守着我身为同性恋的秘密。
我想人们要是发现了，就不会喜欢我了。
后来我又有了自己的喜 剧，也很成功，更进一步的成功。
我于是更担心，要是别人发现了怎么办，是不是就不会看 我的节目了
这都是很久以前的事了，你们可能不知道，那都是我们的总统还都是白人时候 的事了。
最终我还是决定�6�7�6�7我一直带着羞耻和恐惧而活，我再也不能像那样活下去了，于是我 决定让剧中的主角和我自己同时出柜。
不是为了什么政治原因或是其他，只是为了让我从一 个背负已久的沉重枷锁中释放出来，我只是想要�6�7�6�7诚实
我想不会有更惨的事发生了，难 道会失去我的演艺事业吗
结果，我真的失去了。
我的节目在做了6年后，没有告知我就停 播了，我读了报纸才知道。
家中的电话三年没有再响过，没人愿意找我做节目，没人愿意碰 我。
然而我收到了想要自杀的同性恋孩子的来信，他们因为我的出柜而最终没有自杀，我才 了解到，我在这个世上是有目的的。
那曾是一段痛苦的日子，我很愤世嫉俗，很难过。
后来 有人找我做脱口秀（今天的ellen show），制作公司想要卖出节目，但是大多数电视台都不 愿意买。
当我回想起这些往事的时候，我一点也不想去改变什么，即使失去一切。
因为我意识到， 最重要的事是，对自己诚实。
我的选择令我在今天能活得自在，没有恐惧和秘密。
我知道一 切都是ok 的，因为无论如何，我知道自己是谁。
因此，这是不是结论的结论，当我年轻时，对成功的定义不同，我想我的志愿是：我想 出名，想当明星，拍电影，我想要去看世界，开名车，有一群死党�6�7�6�7（ellen 这段说的很 溜，大家反应过来其实这是小野猫的一首歌的歌词，于是大笑）但今日我对成功的定义变了， 当你长大，你就会发现这点。
对你们中的很多人来说，成功的定义是能灌下20杯龙舌兰酒。
对我来说，生命中最重要的事是：活得诚实
别逼自己去做不是真正的你，要活得正直，有 怜悯之心，在某些方面有所贡献。
因此，这是结论的结论：追随热情，忠于自我，绝不要追随别人的脚步，除非你在森林 里迷路了才要这么做。
别给人忠告，别接受任何人的忠告。
所以�6�7我要给大家的忠告是：做 真实的你，一切都会没事的。
我知道在座很多人都在担心自己的前途，但不用担心，经济正急速增长，就业市场求才 若渴，地球也好的很
一切都会好的，你们都经历过风灾了，还有什么可怕的
如我以前所 说的：最惨痛的事教会你最多。
比如现在你第一次面试，就知道该问考官什么了，例如“公 司高于海平面吗
”（纽奥良因地势低被淹水） 因此�6�7�6�7总结一下我刚才做的我的“常见的水泥”演讲的结论，我猜我想说的是，人生 犹如一场狂欢嘉年华，记得展现你的头脑，而不是胸部。
�6�7�6�72009年的毕业生们，我说祝 贺大家了
若你不记得我今天说的任何话，就请记住这一句：you are going to be OK，dun －doom－doom－doom，just dance
关于英语脱口秀段子，时间一分钟，青春励志的
Every mountain has a peak. Every valley has its low point. Life has its upsand downs, its peaks and its valleys. No one is up all the time, nor arethey down all the time. Problems do end. They are all resolved in time.每一座山都有巅峰，每一个峡谷都有谷底。
人生也有跌宕起伏，有高潮有低谷。
没有人有人一生都平步青云，也没有人有人一生都时乖命蹇。
难题总有了结的一天。
随着时间的推移，一切难题都会迎刃而解。
英语演讲稿(3-5分钟)大概需要多少字
这个是要看你的语速的。
我一分钟大概能说100个字。
正常的考试听力大概一分钟90个字左右。
国外的大概在120 。
你可以测试一下自己的速度。
掐上10秒钟，说一段话看看多少个字…
心怀感恩与爱同行的演讲稿，大概八百字左右，题目要有心意，没题目者一概不收，要有事例，好的在给分快啊
《同桌的你》 当年一曲《同桌的你》一夜之间刮进了每个人的心中，纯朴真挚的感情让每个人都感动不已。
多年以后，当尘封的记忆被唤醒，我又想起了同桌的你，曾经爱哭的你，猜不出问题的你，心底有好多好多对你的祝福。
让我们一起欣赏XXX等为我们带来的歌曲，共同祝福《同桌的你》
大学，要在500多人眼皮底下演讲，没到期就紧张，觉得自己孬，我在想，要换人打退堂鼓么㈵
黔东一汉子目不识丁，但颇有虚荣心，一天，他拿到了一张报纸，便做出读报的样子，可惜他把报纸拿倒了。
“喂，”一位过路人问他，“报纸上有什么新闻
”那人答道：“又出事了
你瞧，照片上的车子都轮子朝天了。
小沈龙脱口秀台词，
每个人的人生都是一本书，你们的可能叫幸福的田园我的叫大全其实我小的时候是不凡的，我三岁习文、四岁习武、五岁背诵诗词歌赋、六岁我就能翻空翻，空中转体720度。
唰唰唰唰唰啪头着地。
因此我躺了三年，上小学一年级的时候我都九岁了，小学我就念了十四年，老师见到我都迷糊。
咋地
兄弟你要在这打更啊。
那又有什么关系，学习好懒跟父母的家庭教育有直接关系。
对不对
我的班长学习非常好人长得也漂亮，从小父母给她灌输一个思想，那就是你吃饭的时候筷子用得越远，你长大就嫁得越远。
班长有个小梦想，就是想远嫁国外，于是她吃饭都是两双筷子系在一起吃。
最后她成功的嫁给了一个炸油条的，那咋地、不烫手啊。
所以父母对孩子的引导至关重要，我们小时候，几乎都会问家长同样一个问题，那就是爸爸妈妈，我是哪来的
这个时候爸爸妈妈的谎言该出现了，儿子，你是地里刨出来的。
儿子，你是门口捡来的。
更可恨你是充话费送的。
我爸那个解释绝对另类，儿子你是切西瓜切出来的，导致我长这么大，现在我看着别人切西瓜我就害怕，哎
哥你慢点里面可能有孩子。
对不对
小的时候老师出题，出什么题呢
让同学用一一组成成语，那真是龙生龙凤生凤老鼠的儿子会打洞。
你看一个画家的儿子过来写的是什么，一笔一划一山一水。
开发商的儿子写的是什么，一室一厅一厨一卫。
一个船长的儿子过来写的是，一波未平一波又起。
而我写的是，一瓶就多喝多就吐。
我爸个地地道道的酒懵子，二两大米饭能喝四瓶白酒，天天迷糊糊，有啥问题我就问他，我说爸爸法盲是什么意思
你看我爸咋给我解释的。
法盲呢，就是法国的盲人。
我说爸爸沐浴是什么意思
沐浴就是洗澡呗
那沐浴阳光呢
干洗。
我说爸爸你会唱小星星吗
我会啊
那你唱给我听啊。
星星啊还是那个星啊星啊。
从小我的童年特别灰暗，我记得上历史课的时候，老师讲到八国联军火烧圆明园。
问问题，我那时候没听课，我正在下面开发智力，跟几个同学叫地主、抢地主、你的牌打得也太好了。
老师找我小沈龙站起来。
干啥老师。
问你个问题，圆明园谁烧的
不是我烧的
问你谁烧的
老师你看你这么唠嗑，你就是属于不了解我，要是我烧的，我能承认，真不是我烧的。
回去那你爸叫来。
我爸来了，我爸来的都是四个小时之后了。
喝完酒之后来的，老师等得老着急了。
你咋才来啊，你弄啥去了，你个鳖孙，你看看你这个儿，说什么玩意啊。
圆明园谁烧的，他说不是他烧的气不气人
心脏病都快给我气犯了，气的我老庝了。
我爸给解释，老师别生气，谁烧的能咋的，多少钱我包呗。
从小就是这么长大的，小时候我记得，我最讨厌的事就是喷花露水，怕蚊子咬嘛，我不爱喷。
我把我妈就骗我，儿子你喷吧，你喷上，你就隐身了。
那就要当大侠了，喷吧、我爸我妈就说，哎呀、上哪去啦，看不着你了。
长大之后有一次我喷完花露水，狠狠得踹老师两脚之后我才发现，我的人生全是谎言，根本就不能隐身，那家伙让老师给我撸得。
小的时候我记得我最想的事呢，就是过年，因为过年嘛，穿新衣戴新帽家里面会给压岁钱，很多很多，大姨过来了，来、孩子给你压岁钱。
大爷过来了，来给压岁钱。
老叔过来了，来给压岁钱。
给钱就给钱呗骂谁呢，你丫你丫的。
二大爷给没给钱，我二大爷呢给钱怎么不给钱给你一碎钱一看真碎啊一分两分五分那也好啊小的时候最感动的话就是拿着吧不是给你的是给孩子的最伤心的一句话就是来儿子妈帮你揣着一分钱你都捞不到。
小时候最害怕的是考试因为一考试完事之后屁股就庝我爸踹的我小时候考试都诈病的考试之前我肯定我就生病我特别害怕考试我看学习好的考试出来发四个字我考完了特别开心我出来也是四个字我考完了那回去我爸就送我两句话小犊子今天我要不打你个万朵桃花开,你就不知道花儿为什么这么红。
那家给我踢得。
每次被打完我都给我奶奶烧纸，奶啊，我给你烧点纸，我又挨揍了，我再给你烧两张试卷，老年人答答题，对心脑血管好，如果你实在答不上啦，你就把出题那小子叫过去给你辅导辅导。
所以每次在考试之前，我爸就会给我洗脑。
儿子，你这次你有没有信心，爸，你别这么唠嗑。
每个人都有每个人的特长，我呢语文不行，那你数学了，数学也不行，英语了，英语也不行，那你啥行，我饭量行，那考吗，饭量行，小犊子，我不管你啥行，今天你考试在不及格，回来就别叫我爸，考了时推门回来说，大哥，我回来了，考完试，我爸总习惯问我，考多分，考多少分，我也习惯了，我不告诉你了呢，我编，我撒谎，考多少分，100分，卷了，撕了，我高兴，撕了，数学了，100分，英语，100分，把我爸气的，买了个测谎仪，考多少分，100分，嘀嘀嘀，到底多少65，嘀嘀嘀，你看你还撒谎，学学你爸，从来不撒谎，duang，测谎仪炸了
所以有的时候，我们要好好学习，不好好学习，是肯定考不上好学校的，小时候总想脱离爸妈，自己挣钱，自己花，但长大以后，很想回到小时候，小时候总是无忧无虑，饿了，妈妈叫你回去吃饭，冷了爸爸给你添衣服，长大就不同了，面对着种种压力焦头烂额，但是你回不去了，有的人用照片回忆童年，而我用一首歌回忆童年，昨天你是否会想起今天的房买不起 昨天你是否会遇见今天的工作压力 你说你长大要开飞机 现在你却在扫地 我发誓要买台兰波基尼 现在却开着摩的 啦啦啦···没出息 没出息 啦啦啦···没关系 谁过来又把我瞧不起，我说声你算老几
曾经说一起看世间繁华，现在却四海为家 马路上遇到了同桌的你，你是否不想长大 啦啦啦啦···世间繁华 啦啦啦啦···四海为家 啦啦啦啦···同桌的你 啦啦啦啦···不想长大
