求 美国新脱口秀女王Ellen.D在杜兰大学毕业典礼的演讲稿 发我邮箱 79844048@qq.com
Ellen 杜兰大学演讲 Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished guests - you know who you are, honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher. And thank you to all the graduating class of 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up. When I was asked to make the commencement speech, I immediately said yes. Then I went to look up what commencement meant. Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia's, and they're all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning. Commencement: common, and cement. Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. So there's that. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus - alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had to graduate from this school. And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know if President Cowan knows, I didn't go to any college at all. Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time, or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity. Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at (? 估计是某家商店的 名字) and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse. But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away with it. I'm here because of you. Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes. Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up. I'm here because I love New Orleans. I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you, while I was living here I only did laundry six times. When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I - I really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought I'd just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what I'm saying is, when you're older, most of you will be gay. Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents? Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her. And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? I don't understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions. And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and I hadn't even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, I'm gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson- at the time he was the king - and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down. And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote. And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay. And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me. Then my career turned into - I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another level of success. And I thought, what if they find out I'm gay, then they'll never watch, and this was a long time ago, this was when we just had white presidents - this was back, many years ago - and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative. And my character would come out at the same time, and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought, What's the worst that could happen? I can lose my career. I did. I lost my career. The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper. The phone didn't ring for three years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all. Yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide, but didn't, because of what I did. And I realised that I had a purpose. And it wasn't just about me and it wasn't about celebrity, but I felt like I was being punished... it was a bad time, I was angry, I was sad, and then I was offered a talkshow. And the people that offered me the talkshow tried to sell it. And most stations didn't want to pick it up. Most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me. Really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing. I mean, it was so important for me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself. Ultimately, that's what's gotten me to this place. I don't live in fear, I'm free, I have no secrets. and I know I'll always be ok, because no matter what, I know who I am. So In conclusion, when I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars, I want to have groupies. To quote the Pussycat Dolls. How many people thought it was boobies, by the way? It's not, it's groupies. But my idea of success is different today. And as you grow, you'll realise the definition of success changes. For many of you, today, success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity, and not to give into peer pressure. to try to be something that you're not. To live your life as an honest and compassionate person. to contribute in some way. So to conclude my conclusion: follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, and by all means you should follow that. Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don't take anyone's advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine. And I know that a lot of you are concerned about your future, but there's no need to worry. The economy is booming, the job market is wide open, the planet is just fine. It's gonna be great. You've already survived a hurricane. What else can happen to you? And as I mentioned before, some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most. And now you know the right questions to ask in your first job interview. Like, Is it above sea level? . So to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded, in the common cement speech, I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with. And you'll be drunk, most of the time. So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations and if you don't remember a thing I said today, remember this: you're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance. 参考译文： 谢谢，谢谢考恩校长，和有头有脸的来宾们，呃，有头有脸的来宾，你知道你是谁，不 用介绍了，诚心感谢大家�6�7�6�7以及讨厌的西班牙语老师。
感谢所有2009届的毕业生，我知道你们绝大多数人还因为宿醉头痛欲裂，狂欢到今天都 还没睡，但是没听完我的演讲不能毕业，所以都听好了
（学生们欢呼） 当我被问是否来参加毕业典礼演讲的时候，我立刻就回答了：yes
�6�7�6�7然后我才去查 “毕业典礼”是什么意思（众人笑）。
如果我有字典的话就轻松多了，但我家的书大多是portia 的（Ellen 的妻子，澳大利亚人）而且都是澳洲文，所以�6�7�6�7我得自己摸索，去找出这个词 的意思。
“commencement 毕业典礼”：commen 常见的＋cement 水泥，常见的水泥。
你常常 见到水泥，在人行道上，人行道有裂缝，你要是踩到裂缝，就会撞伤你妈妈的背，所以大概 意思就是这样了。
但我很荣幸被邀请来做你们的“常见的水泥”的演讲。
我以为非得是又有名，又是你们 学校的校友才能来�6�7�6�7我没有在这里念过大学，我不知校长先生是否知道，我完全没上过大 学�6�7任何一间大学
我到不是在说你们在浪费时间和金钱，不过看看我，我是个超级成功的 大名人唉
事实上我在这里度过许多成长的岁月，我妈妈在这里工作时，我常来找她�6�7�6�7每当我要 偷她钱包里的钱时。
但我今天在这里的原因，显然不是要偷你们的钱�6�7�6�7我在这里是因为你 们，因为没有比你们更优秀更勇敢的毕业生了。
看看你们每一个人，身穿你们的袍子（学士 袍），通常我们说在早上10点还穿着袍子（睡袍）代表你放弃人生了。
我在这里，因为我爱 纽奥良，我在这里出生成长，在此度过少年时光，正如你们一样，当我住这里时，我只洗过 6次衣服。
当我从学校毕业的时候，我完完全全迷失了自我，学校我指的是初中，后来我也继续念 完了高中。
我当时，没有任何的野心，不知道自己想做什么。
我什么工作都做，我挖生蚝， 当带位员，做酒保，当服务生，粉刷房子，卖吸尘器�6�7�6�7完全不知道自己想做什么。
我只想 随便找个糊口的工作，过一辈子，能有钱负得起房租就行，我完全没有任何计划。
我想说的 是，当我像你们这么大的时候，我真的以为我了解自己，但其实我并不了解，举例来说，我 像你们这么大的时候，还在和男人约会。
所以我的意思是：当你们再长大些后，大多数的人， 都会是gay!） 总之，当时我不知道我的人生要干嘛，而最后我找到了我人生目标，却是因为一件十分 悲惨的事。
我那时可能才19岁，当时的女朋友因为车祸身亡了。
我经过了事故现场，并不 知道是她，还继续往前走。
不久后，才知道那是她。
我当时�6�7�6�7住在地下室的公寓，没有钱， 没有暖气，房子里都是跳蚤。
我困惑不已，心想，为何她突然走了，而为何我又呆再这样一 个境地里。
我无法理解，但其中一定有什么理由。
要是能直接拿起电话打给上帝问个清楚， 不就太好了。
于是我开始写一些东西，心里涌现出一段我和上帝的对话，虽然只是我一个人 的独白。
当我完成了它后，我阅读了这个剧本，对自己说，我说我要在“今夜秀”上和强尼. 卡森一起表演这一段。
强尼.卡森是当时主持届的天王，我对自己说我要成为该节目史上第 一个被邀请和强尼一起坐下来访问的女性。
数年之后，我成为这个节目史上，第一位也是唯 一一位，被邀请坐下来和他访问的女性。
就因为那段我写的和上帝打电话的剧本。
从此我开始做单人脱口秀，做得很成功，也很辛苦，因为我想讨好每一个人，同时又 守着我身为同性恋的秘密。
我想人们要是发现了，就不会喜欢我了。
后来我又有了自己的喜 剧，也很成功，更进一步的成功。
我于是更担心，要是别人发现了怎么办，是不是就不会看 我的节目了
这都是很久以前的事了，你们可能不知道，那都是我们的总统还都是白人时候 的事了。
最终我还是决定�6�7�6�7我一直带着羞耻和恐惧而活，我再也不能像那样活下去了，于是我 决定让剧中的主角和我自己同时出柜。
不是为了什么政治原因或是其他，只是为了让我从一 个背负已久的沉重枷锁中释放出来，我只是想要�6�7�6�7诚实
我想不会有更惨的事发生了，难 道会失去我的演艺事业吗
结果，我真的失去了。
我的节目在做了6年后，没有告知我就停 播了，我读了报纸才知道。
家中的电话三年没有再响过，没人愿意找我做节目，没人愿意碰 我。
然而我收到了想要自杀的同性恋孩子的来信，他们因为我的出柜而最终没有自杀，我才 了解到，我在这个世上是有目的的。
那曾是一段痛苦的日子，我很愤世嫉俗，很难过。
后来 有人找我做脱口秀（今天的ellen show），制作公司想要卖出节目，但是大多数电视台都不 愿意买。
当我回想起这些往事的时候，我一点也不想去改变什么，即使失去一切。
因为我意识到， 最重要的事是，对自己诚实。
我的选择令我在今天能活得自在，没有恐惧和秘密。
我知道一 切都是ok 的，因为无论如何，我知道自己是谁。
因此，这是不是结论的结论，当我年轻时，对成功的定义不同，我想我的志愿是：我想 出名，想当明星，拍电影，我想要去看世界，开名车，有一群死党�6�7�6�7（ellen 这段说的很 溜，大家反应过来其实这是小野猫的一首歌的歌词，于是大笑）但今日我对成功的定义变了， 当你长大，你就会发现这点。
对你们中的很多人来说，成功的定义是能灌下20杯龙舌兰酒。
对我来说，生命中最重要的事是：活得诚实
别逼自己去做不是真正的你，要活得正直，有 怜悯之心，在某些方面有所贡献。
因此，这是结论的结论：追随热情，忠于自我，绝不要追随别人的脚步，除非你在森林 里迷路了才要这么做。
别给人忠告，别接受任何人的忠告。
所以�6�7我要给大家的忠告是：做 真实的你，一切都会没事的。
我知道在座很多人都在担心自己的前途，但不用担心，经济正急速增长，就业市场求才 若渴，地球也好的很
一切都会好的，你们都经历过风灾了，还有什么可怕的
如我以前所 说的：最惨痛的事教会你最多。
比如现在你第一次面试，就知道该问考官什么了，例如“公 司高于海平面吗
”（纽奥良因地势低被淹水） 因此�6�7�6�7总结一下我刚才做的我的“常见的水泥”演讲的结论，我猜我想说的是，人生 犹如一场狂欢嘉年华，记得展现你的头脑，而不是胸部。
�6�7�6�72009年的毕业生们，我说祝 贺大家了
若你不记得我今天说的任何话，就请记住这一句：you are going to be OK，dun －doom－doom－doom，just dance
三分钟脱口秀演讲稿，主题不限
今天我要跟大家一起分享的是一个关于女人和辨论的故事， 名字叫做女人永远是最佳辩手。
我虽然没有犀利的口才， 但我自我感觉口齿、逻辑条理还算清楚 但是说实话有一件事情，真的非常丢人， 所以在这里我必须要向在座所有人坦白， 就是在生活的辫场上，有那么一个人，我是从来都没有赢过， 那个人就是我的老婆。
所以不知道在座的各位会怎么想， 但是我本人是发自内心深处赞同一句话，女人永远是最佳辫手。
但是凡事总是有原因。
为什么呢
后来我开始琢磨琢磨，我找到了第一层原因，男人总是输， 那是因为男人总是讲道理， 我有一个饱经沧桑和血泪的小小忠告，告诉在座所有男士， 就是当你面对女人的时候，你永远永远不要试图讲道理 因为她们会坚信你解释就是掩饰，掩饰就是欺骗的开始 我老婆有一次她看中一款包，她就把拉我过去，她想买， 大家都知道全世界所有的女人喜欢包只有两个特色， 第一美，第二贵。
当然女人会比较关注它的前者， 而男人只能关注后者，所以我老婆一直在看那个包时候， 我也一直在看那个包的价签，我在数，个十百千， 我当时数一数崩溃了，我赶紧把她拉到一边，我背对着导购， 我得说服她， 我说老婆你知道咱们中华民族五千年最美的传统美德是什么吗 勤俭节约呀
你知道当今中国经济最欠缺的精神是什么精神吗
是支持国货呀
你看看这个包，你看看这个包价格，你知道它的成本价只有多少吗
你知道它利润翻多少倍吗
你冷静一下，你跟我一起深呼吸， 你想想看我们家现在的经济情况，我们的收入状况 你现在买这么一个包，它理性吗
它负责吗
它是个我们现在应该有的选择吗
你这么漂亮大姑娘，你拎着这么一个包，走在路上你遭贼惦记 你拎着这么一个包去单位，遭人妒忌呀
你考虑单位的和谐吗 你考虑过人际关系吗
你考虑过你清洁工大妈的感受吗
我当时说实话我上到民族情怀的消费理念， 下到关于这个包的性价比，收现比，收益比，风险比， 收支情况对比，我慷慨激昂，鞭辟入里， 我自己都已经快被我自己的沉稳跟理性征服了。
然后她只是看着我，眨巴着她的大眼睛，然后她问我说 是你的那些道理重要还是我重要
傻了吧
你说呀，说呀说呀说呀， 的那些即即咕咕嘀嘀嗒嗒的臭道理烂道理都比我重要一千倍一万倍对不对， 在你心里我根本就不重要对不对，你根本就不爱我对不对， 你之前要娶我的时候，说的那些你爱我，你爱我，都是骗人的对不对。
你根本就不爱我了对不对（哭。
。
） 真的，她的眼泪当时都已经快飙出来了，各位，在座的各位 你说这个时候你除了宣布她是最佳辫手， 并且掏出银行卡给她颁奖之外，你还有任何其他的选择吗 这是我总结的第一层原因，然后我往下深入的踏了一步， 完了，我发现事情的真相， 女人永远是最佳辩手就是因为女人根本就不是辩手啊，亲们， 她们是，她们是评委啊
她们是你们感情生活中判断对错输赢选择最佳辩手的评委和导师啊
很多时候如果你的老婆有时发生了争执，万籁俱静的夜晚， 你看向身边爱人的时候， 有没有一种看着导师甚至是看着大学老师的这种感觉，对不对， 当然对于我本人来说，如果在生活中我是一个辩手， 作为一个辩手大家想一想， 还有发现你的对方辩友其实是评委更深的悲哀吗
就在这一份浓的不能再浓的悲哀当中突然有一个全新的观点 让我一下灵台透亮，豁然开朗，大家想一想， 作为一个男人咱们输，输掉了一生的比赛， 可是咱们赢，赢得了什么呢
那是一颗从不掩饰从不伪装的少妇的心啊， 这个世界上还有比一颗愿意陪伴你到终老的真诚的少妇心更宝贵东西呢
所以人生的辫场上，女人永远是最佳辩手， 男人总是输，女人总是赢，那只是因为-----爱
求大神帮忙写一篇关于纪律的脱口秀演讲稿
所谓脱口秀就是不要准备讲稿的演讲啊，少年你还太嫩了
求一篇 金星 的完整脱口秀台词，是当做演讲稿来使用的，因为觉得金星的脱口秀一般都能比较客观端正的指
1、金星的“处事原则”姐一直奉信一句格言：，我不犯人，人若犯我，礼让三分，人再犯我，斩草除根。
2、金星讽刺“暴发户”有些人确实已经很有钱了，可还是拿着拉菲兑雪碧喝，那不是腔调，那是命苦。
3、金星谈“中国导演”你有听说过中国哪个导演拍了烂片出家的?只听说过，拍完电影跟女主角成家的!4、金星谈“择偶”女人呢，年轻的时候，身边有暖男她一般都不在乎，她们更喜欢那些能征服世界的男人。
但她不知道，那些能征服世界的男人也想征服全世界的女人呢!5、金星的“绕口令”不要怪姐对你狠，姐对自己更狠;如果你敢对姐狠，姐让你知道什么叫狠;但是你要是真的以为姐狠，那你是不知道姐爱的有多深!6、金星谈“广场舞”所以呢，我觉得老年人跳广场舞好，能防骗。
什么啊，什么传销啊，什么保险品推销啊，只要音乐一起来，“苍茫的天涯是我的爱”，统统给我一边凉快去。
7、金星教你“骗女人”男人就那么点小花招。
骗十岁的小姑娘，用糖，骗二十岁的小姑娘，用花，想骗三十岁的，那就只能用心了。
金星喊话8、别发那些矫情的声明，安排下时间表，到这儿来吧。
”9、千万别拿明星的离婚、结婚、爱情来作为你对爱情的衡量标。
求一篇英语脱口秀竞赛演讲稿，初一水平，时间约3分钟。
主题是关于梦想的
I have a dream Today Emerson accurately said ,One of the illusions of life is that the present hour is not the critical ,decisive hour .Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. Today is an important day . That problem you solve, that decision you make , that time you enjoy can shape your whole life. The way you and I approach today and each day , is crucial . Our lives are built by a series of days like today. I discovered affirmations that can help in living each day fully : Today I will live through the next 24 hours and not try to tackle all of lifes problems at once. Today I will improve myself , my body, my mind and my spirit . Today I will refuse to spend time worrying about what might happen if… Today I will not imagine what I would do if things were different .They are not different .I will do my best with what material I have . Today I will find the grace to let go of resentments of others and self-condemnation over past mistakes. Today I will not try to change , or improve anybody but me. Today I will act toward others as though this would be my last day on the earth. Today I will be unafraid . I will enjoy what is beautiful, and I will believe that as I give to the world will give to me . Whether these are the best of times or the worst of times , these are the only times we’ve got . Live each day fully and you will look back on a life that made a difference.
我很喜欢演讲，或者是脱口秀，请问哪些书适合学习演讲和脱口秀
怎么3分钟左右的脱口秀 脱口秀不同于演讲，脱口路很长、很辛苦、充满挑战有意思。
要想学好脱口秀，你必须要出河大的努力。
下面是学习啦小编整理的一些关于如何说好脱口秀的技巧，供你参考。
锻炼脱口秀技巧一、口才训练 1、 朗读训练 二十分钟朗读(最大声，最清晰，最快速)朗读的内容：古今中外的经典演说，尽量找点积极豪情的(当然这要根据你希望成为什么样的人来定)比如马丁路德“我有一个梦”，闻一多的“最后一次演讲”，乔治巴顿的“战争造就英雄豪杰”等等。
每天训练自己“三分钟演讲”一次或“三分钟默讲”一次。
每天练习10分钟的绕口令。
2、 二十分钟唠叨训练 选择走到街边见到什么说什么，比如见到一位老大妈提着篮子走过来，你立刻可以说我现在瞧见一位老大妈走来，她穿着什么样的衣服，走路的姿势怎么样，还有高矮肥瘦，外貌特征以及心理等等。
无限关联法或者口语接力训练。
先指定没有联系的A物和B物，然后尽量拖时间从A物谈到B物，其中可以编故事，说道理，反正你的说话就是不能间断和犹疑。
3、 交谈训练 不要只顾自己的口才训练成果，你要去留意他人在谈些什么，他人感兴趣什么。
从他人的交谈中，找到与自己知道的有交集的。
切进去。
开始你的谈论。
这里，注意他们的唇，还有他的肩，手。
如果他要发表意见，从他的肢体上，有一些表现，你就要让出谈话权，引导他谈论。
注意：真正善谈者是善听者。
善听者即使一发一言，他们也会认为你是最好的谈论者，然后，你可以到工作场所，朋友之中等。
锻炼脱口秀技巧二、形态训练 至少5分钟在镜前学习微笑，展示自己的手势及形态;培养微笑的习惯，要笑得灿烂、笑得真诚，锻炼亲和力;训练接受他人的视线、目光，培养自信和观察能力。
锻炼脱口秀技巧三、幽默训练 1、每天找一条笑话，把笑话背熟，反复操练，尽可能讲的风趣幽默诙谐(笑话要求简短易背的，这样容易产生成功感) 2、每天务必在工作或生活中找到一个东西事物的幽默一下。
最好就是当众幽默，实在不行事后自己也可以自嘲幽默补一下。
锻炼脱口秀技巧四、话题信息 平时我们会看电视，看报纸，看杂志，看书，交谈，观察。
在这些活动中，有可以拓展话题的源泉。
拿一个本子，把在这些活动中听到看到想到的趣事，要事，重要观念，好句子等记下来或剪贴下来，然后一天记下一两句或一两件趣事。
在记忆东西的同时，要思考那些观点，概念。
有了一个深思的过程。
谈起来就得心应手了。
锻炼脱口秀技巧五、辅助训练 每天至少20分钟阅读励志书籍或口才书籍，培养自己积极心态，学习一些技巧。
学会检讨，每天总结得与失，写心得体会。
每周要全面总结成效及不足，并确定下周的目标。
